O. M. G!!!

This is an older video of RW, but this one really stirred some serious controversy when it came out.  And guys... this is one you can probably relate to.  So.. how far have YOU had to go to get a woman to pay attention to you at the club?? lol

O. M. G!!!

This is an older video of RW, but this one really stirred some serious controversy when it came out.  And guys... this is one you can probably relate to.  So.. how far have YOU had to go to get a woman to pay attention to you at the club?? lol

All we've ever wanted is to look good naked.. lol

I prefer the official music video, but it's nearly impossible to find in high quality and in its full version.  Robbie Williams is a trip! lol

Hurts - Sandman OMG.. I love this song...

I first heard this song on Vampire Diaries...and immediately began looking it up on iTunes (sounds SO good in my car!).. there's just something about this song....  This is live, but...  well, I just LOOOOVE this song.  :)

When I think about black Friday....

Did you miss me?

No?

Yes you did!


Admit it!


All right then.  I know how proud you are, so we'll just leave it at that and get down to business....

What business?  well, honestly, I don't really have any.  Well, okay, there are a few things.  I'm trying to keep on level ground with it all.  Yes, "It all."  I'm still not ready to spill everything here just yet.  In time....

Life is still just.. plain.. weird.  And I don't really get out that often.  Okay... pretty much hardly ever.  Heart still acting up on occasion, which tends to take me out at the knees for a bit.  But I'm still hopeful.  I have approximately 2-3 days a month, maybe, where I feel normal.  *sigh*

But I'm ticking off the clock to something SUPER COOL, and... I'm keeping that tidbit to myself for now.  But yes... super excited. (((cheesy grin)))  December 17th is the intended date.  If I squint I can see it just up head in that distant horizon where the sun is perpetually in that gorgeous shade of twilight.

Still feeling tired, and a bit more than just a little out of sorts, so I'm going to sign off for a while.

Laters, taters!

Epic? Oh yeah. Definitely epic. ;p

So much going on.  The good news is that a few days here and there I almost feel normal again.  Trust me when I say that's epic!  It will get better and better.  In the interim... I plug on and dream of better things that are and continue to develop and grow, of things that lay ahead.

Waiting for the moment when I can get that gym membership, when the ligament is healed and I can move normally without risk... that's not easy, but it's do-able.  Again... getting there.  Trusting in the balancing act of keeping appointments and one's sanity all at the same time is proving to be a bit daunting, to say the least, but... that too is do-able.

December 17th will be a day.  An epic day.  An exciting day.  A baby blue day of which an explanation will come later.  I will be counting off the days until then.  Well, that will the first of two countdowns, really.  The first is step one.  The second is step two.. and the biggest, really.  Oh.. but I'm not giving anything away just yet.  ;p

Thanksgiving.  December 17th.  Christmas.  February ??  Valentine's Day.  February ??

They're not just holidays.  They're not just dates on a calendar.  And some.. some have meaning only to me.  But those private dates (for now) are EPIC! ;p  Oh yeah... definitely epic.

Such a nice word.  Epic.

Midnight

Well, as expected, one of my favorite vampires showed up on all my devices in my Kindle app.  I've been reunited with Lestat!  Yay!  How awesome is that?  Quite awesome, if I do say so myself. :)=

Not sure what "The Prince Lestat" holds.. but I'm ready to find out!  Thank goodness for iPad Air 2 and that large, back-lit screen! Woo hoo!! :D

As for Lestat... I really didn't like Tom Cruise as Lestat in the first movie.  He didn't fit how I pictured Lestat at all... but... in Queen of the Damned.. oh wow... now THAT Lestat was ultimate perfection.  I mean, I saw 'Lester's' face and thought... that's exactly how I saw him in my mind!  If there's another movie on the horizon at all, I hope they choose an actor that portrays Lestat equally well....

"On behalf of Apple I want to extend my thanks..." Wow!!

I will get to the Apple thing in a moment, but first... about reading.....

It's true.  I used to love reading.  I mean, really really love reading.  When I was little I would literally carry bags to the library just to carry home the books I wanted to check out.  I couldn't get enough.  That love of reading never left me.  What DID leave was my perfect vision, and those dumb readers you find at the pharmacies... leave a LOT to be desired.  Let's just leave it at that.

So I saw an eye doctor who said I don't have to wear glasses all of the time, but my vision isn't so great anymore.  Yeah.  I gathered that.  And he gave me a Rx which I've yet to fill... mostly because I know I'm going to be completely girly and picky about the frames.  Even if I'll only be wearing them to read, they'll STILL need to look good. ;p  But the whole eyesight thing isn't just about the blurry thing...

I need backlighting.  Don't ask.  I've no idea.  Book lights don't help either.

Now that Anne Rice has gotten off her duff and written another in the Vampire Chronicles collection... I HAVE to start reading again.  It's been way overdue, and I simply have to read this new book.  So why not a reader?  Kindle??  Something like a Kindle?

Well, it sounded good initially.... But for a good, high quality one, well, I might as well just get a tablet.  So I did something I thought I'd never do.  I ordered an iPad.  An iPad Air 2.  Why not?

Now... about the endocrinologist appointment!

I'm happy to say I received a call from my endo's office this morning.  They had a cancellation and I was able to get the spot!  My appointment is tomorrow morning instead of December 3rd!!  I was SO glad to get that call!  There are two doctors at that clinic, and the one I'm seeing did most of his training and fellowship at the Cleveland Clinic, so he's a good doctor, and I know someone who vouches for him.  I'm hoping he will be able to get to the bottom of things and find out what the heck is going on.  And if nothing else, he can at least do the follow-up with the whole thyroid nodule thing.

A funny thing about Apple (and me):

So, I don't toot my own horn too often, but I will for just a moment.  I had a weird issue since the release of Yosemite, one that affected my iPhone.  Yes, the OS on my MacBook Pro affected my iPhone.  Let's just say that the smarter these devices get, the more they talk to each other, and the smarter iCloud gets... the more room there is for things to go awry....

Without going into great detail, I will just say that my Mac was basically telling my phone.. how to ring... even when it was off.  The problem began with something that started on my Mac, though one may not have thought so.  But I KNEW it started there....

After talking to the Apple geniuses (thank God for AppleCare!!)... who passed me to supervisors in both the OS dept THEN to the iOS dept, neither of which could figure it out... the iOS 'Upper level' technician was poised to do a master reset.  I told her, as I did everyone I spoke to... "It's not my phone.  The problem is with the Mac, and iCloud is telling my phone how to ring now..."  I then told "kate" that I thought I knew how to fix it and wanted to try that first before pulling out the big guns.  She said that was fine and gave me her number and direct extension, as did the supervisor of the OS dept who sent me to her when he and the engineers he spoke with couldn't figure out what to do....

I was pretty certain that what I wanted to do would fix it.  It was SO simple, really.  No one would believe that it was the MacBook Pro which was causing the issue.  But I KNEW it was.  I was positive it was....

So we ended the phone call.

The problem: When Apple created the ability for "Handoff," making it so you could make/receive calls from your MacBook and iPad... you were also given something else.. the ability to change your ringtone.  The idea, I believe, that they had in mind.. is that your iPhone would be controlling things. However, once you open your contact on your other device and open the ringtone options, choose another ringtone... that's pretty much it.  iCloud takes over and it tells your phone how to ring.  Hopefully they've fixed this by now!.........

I spent a lot of time on the phone with Apple supervisors while they talked to their engineers, called me back, and with no one finding a fix.  The fix should have been as easy as changing the ringtone back on the phone, they said.  Well, yeah.  I tried that.  It didn't work... which is why I called them.

They also said the phone should be controlling the ringtone, not the MacBook.  Well, yes.. I would think so.  And they were all saying it had to be the device, my iPhone... not anything software or MacBook related.  I didn't agree with them.  They were stumped.

What I did:  I went against instinct at first and just deleted the contact on my phone and recreated it.  Now prior to any calls to Apple.... my MacBook was off the entire time the wrong ringtone was playing, so I knew the information was 'in the cloud' so to speak.  The ringtone was set correctly on the phone, and again...phone rebooted prior to any calls to Apple, all the usual steps taken.

Contact entry recreated on the iPhone, asked person to call me AGAIN to test the ringtone (they were SO patient! lol)... still the wrong ringtone.  So... I did what I should have done right from the beginning...

Booted the MacBook, opened Contacts, deleted the entry with the unchangeable ringtone, DID NOT RECREATE THE RINGTONE IN CONTACTS IN THE MAC!!!  Closed the MacBook.  THEN.. I recreated the contact on the iPhone, had the person call me again...correct ringtone!  PROBLEM SOLVED.

Logic would tell you that all call-related information should be controlled by your iPhone. Yes, your other devices can make/receive calls now, but your PHONE is the primary source for making and receiving calls, so it only makes sense that THAT device should be the source of control.  So Apple has a couple of bugs to fix.  Anyway, it just made sense to delete the offending problem (contact entry on the MacBook) and recreate the entry with correct data (including associated ringtone) on the phone and allow iCloud to update the MacBook with the correct information.  Which it did.

I called Kate & Ken (Kate high level tech in the iOS dept, and Ken is the supervisor in the OS dept) and left messages on their answering machines that I had fixed the problem and told them how... since they said they hadn't gotten any other calls that they knew of about the issue yet.

Ken called me this morning to check up on me to make sure everything was working well.  He said "Looks like the iOS dept got things working for you!"  I told him, "no.. actually, they wanted me to do a master reset, and I didn't want to go that route yet, so I told them I wanted to try something first and that I would call them back if it didn't work.."  Then I told him about what I did.

Ken was very enthusiastic about the fix and said he'd been talking to his engineers about the problem even as of this morning because they really couldn't figure out how to fix it or where to begin.  I told him basically that as long as no one touched the ringtones in the Contacts on their MacBook.. they would be okay.  Hitting "Edit" was even okay.  Just don't scroll through the ringtone EVER. lol  He took notes and thanked me.  In fact he said.....

"On behalf of Apple I want to extend my thanks, and to tell you that this information is being forwarded to our engineers so we can put out an update to fix this.  So you can tell your friends and family you've helped Apple solve this problem and have become a part of the solution, the update that fixes it!"

How cool is that? :D  And you know he also said, "You know, none of us thought once to try that. lol"  And I was thinking, 'because you guys tend to think BIG, when often the solution is a relatively simple one.'  ;)

Kind of cool getting kudos from Apple.  hee

"Give me ONE good reason to watch Vampire Diaries," she said...

Benign Follicular Nodule

And there seems to be no one who agrees on what to make of what these are... exactly.  Well, okay.  Benign, but they don't say 100% or if it's forever.  So much room for error.  And then it all just becomes a watch and wait game.  Hasn't it always been this game anyway?

Too much information, all conflicting.  Oh well.  Not that big of a deal since it's thyroid-related anyway.  I've ditched the rude ENT and have an appt with an Endo who has a fairly decent reputation.  Not an easy thing to get an appt with this guy, but the wait will be worth it.  He can review everything and decide if the FNA or ultrasound has to be repeated in 6 mos or a year, since the ENT wasn't all that engaged in the situation.  Plus, Dr. Ergin deals with a few other issues I'm having to deal with myself, so maybe he can shed some light on those things as well.

It will also be nice to talk to a hormone specialist about the (in)significance of Free T4 being .10 within the range of normal.  Just curious just how far out of range of normal something has to be before it affects the body.  Sounds silly, but giving how so many doctors rely on lab values I wonder if they really believe it's like flipping a light switch.  *shrugs*

Weird day today.  That's all I'm saying.  Just weird.

Dear Dreadful Diary....

It's almost Halloween and I'm afraid I'm not at all ready.  My body has been my worst enemy of late, and there are frightfully more horror stories associated with that than I care to admit.  Ghastly, I know.

Cold as a corpse, most days, though I indulge in a frightening film or series on the television to appease my inner Wednesday Addams.  Still, the lovely expanse of yard in front of my house is as empty as a zombie's eyes.  No monsters, ghouls, ghosts, or beasts there....

A mournful sight when looking upon the decomposing blades beneath a sleepy Autumn sun.

All the beasts of the season remain in waiting in their respective places, tucked in corners and boxes, a hanging head in a cage near a back window in a darkened storage room where things go to be forgotten for a time.  There's more Halloween in that place than in most, yet it will remain in its confines for yet another year, sadly tucked in the shadows among the trivial excesses of everyday life.

As I stand in that room taking in a small indulgence of nostalgia of Halloweens past, I wonder at the lost Halloween of 2014, and if I can successfully silence the insidious question that seems to naturally follow...

What the hell... why not?

I created a blog, a safe place to let it REALLY all hang out.  But.. I'm going to post this here, too.  Many things won't make it here, but... this one I will.  I do have a couple of girl friends who may want to know how I'm feeling about some things....
....................

....but the spooky little girl within lives on.

Spooky procedure tomorrow means playing in the dark little playground of haunted things today.  I wish I felt well enough to work on the dolls I need to work on, but... wish in one hand.. (my mom used to say).  Yeah, well.

I suppose in the spirit of Halloween, primarily as a catalyst but not as a rule, I began looking for background images and fun things for my laptop and phone.  I wasn't disappointed.  Since I'm not up to decorating anything else, I began the task of decorating the two things that take the least energy and am finding I'm quite pleased with the results.

My iPhoneasaurus background is my favorite, especially with the perspective view option in the preferred 'on' position.  Love that 3D effect, especially with something like this hanging out in the background.  But then, I can't help being who I am.

It's the simple things.

I'm simply feeling out of sorts today, really.  Something is amiss, that's all I know, and there's this niggling feeling just at the edges of my conscious mind that just will not leave me alone.  I know full well what the source is, but the actual message I'm fully aware that I'm, well, completely ignoring.  Don't look, don't look!!

Could it be that I'm not as tough as I like to think I am, that my going to this appointment tomorrow alone (preferably alone) is really just false bravado?  Thing is, I'm not worried about the procedure tomorrow, nor the outcome.

It's really something else entirely.

All I'm willing to say is that in late July/early August I thought there was a pulled groin muscle or tendon, something...due to the cath procedure for my ablation.  They do have to turn your leg/thigh outward in order to access the vein/artery in that area.  The pain wasn't there right away, and I didn't take notice, nor do I recall exactly when I noticed the pain that began somewhere in that area.  But what I do know now is that it has progressed, worsened, and it now extends upwards to the lower pelvic region is (right side), and the pain continues onto my lower back as well.  It's progressed to the point where it's often difficult to sleep.

I've come to the conclusion that this most likely has nothing to do with the ablation procedure.  Things should have felt 100% better in a few days post-procedure.  It will have been 3 months in just a couple of weeks.

I have a pelvic ultrasound soon.  Now that one is a little spooky.

I'd be lying if I said....

....I put this on my iPhone for Halloween.

Boo.  And junk.

PART 2 - The 'other' American horror story

Tomorrow.  Truly dreading it, to be honest.  Grosses me out to think there are going to be needles poked into my neck and fluid or whatever sucked out.  Absolutely disgusting.  Creepy beyond words.  The stuff nightmares are made of.

Eew.

I'm really not sure what to think about it....  

PART 1 - The "other" American horror story.

haha.  Just kidding.

Seriously, though....

I'm officially off the medications that keep my heart rate under control, and all seems to be okay with that.  No anticipation here with respects to anything other than random PVCs, which everyone has but few are aware of.  Dr. Osorio says that those of us who have dealt with arrhythmia issues have a 'sixth sense' out our hearts and have become quite aware of things that others are completely oblivious to.  I can certainly understand that as I feel every little change, every missed or extra beat.  He says, "Most people don't even feel their heart beating."

I can feel mine 99% of the time.

The extra beats/missed beats I feel, so I'm told, are coming from the upper chambers of the heart (atria).  Interesting.  But anyway, all seems good for now.

Today, a promising new device to help people with Atrial Fibrillation come off their blood thinning drugs once and for all goes against a skeptical FDA panel.  I have to admit, after reading what happened in the trials, I'm skeptical too.  Not everyone with AFib continues to take anticoagulants.  In fact, only those unfortunate enough to have had an ischemic event (stroke or mini stroke) like myself have to take them for life.  This is risky business in itself, leaving us to come off these drugs for dental work, surgeries, and other procedures, and risking catastrophic bleeding events from fall, or even a simple fender bender that may deploy an airbag (we all know that you risk having one of those smash into your face, thus causing a nosebleed etc).

The Watchman device has been used in Europe, for example, for 5 years now, and quite successfully. However, in trials there were 8 patients who suffered ischemic strokes.  Still seems pretty risky.  The FDA looks to be possibly approving this for off-label use--mainly for transcatheter aortic valve replacement.  Either way, I had put my name on the list with Dr. O for this device.  But I'm not sure.  I think it may need a bit more watching at this point.

For now I will continue with the Eliquis, even though there is no antedote, and continue to wear the medical ID bracelet.  Perhaps down the line the Watchman will be perfected and odds will be in better favor of the patient.  Til then... we watch and wait.

American Horror Story: Freak Show - Beautiful & Horrifying! :)

Too tired for the ornery to emerge - dammit!

Doesn't mean it isn't inside rattling the cage screaming to be let out, though.  Problem with not feeling well is that the artistic, adventure-starved goofball inside of me is still very much wanting to play.  The soul, spirit, imagination.. well, they're just not getting that the body isn't quite 'there' yet.  It's a train wreck of a situation, and one that has to be resolved soon...  or I'm going to lose it.  "It" has yet to be determined. lol

So as I sit here avoiding mundane tasks, which will take no longer than about an hour at this point, I'm writing about... something entirely.... what?  I don't know.  I guess I'm just taking a minute to pour out a few thoughts on a nagging issue.  Nothing more.  It's high time I let this go and just let my body heal, but dammit... I should be wreaking havoc somewhere!  *snort*

Enough said, I suppose.  Me and my 95.6*F body are going to eat lunch now and do something completely unimaginative.... watch tv.

......maybe I'll wear a funny hat while doing so.

Halloween

It's not really what I want to talk about, as much as I love this holiday.  But it's there, just right there around the corner.. all the same.  And I so miss being a kid, fractured childhood and all.. it could've been so much worse.  But Halloween, ah yes.. now those were memories worth remembering.

The last few years have been such a disappointment as Halloweens go, but even a chance just to stick my face in a bowl or bag of Halloween candy and I'm instantly transported right back there again, right to that place where there simply was no other perfume outdoors but for the smell of candy, candle wax, and the scent of burning leaves... all swirled together with that ever-present hint of Winter's icy kiss.  I will never forget any of that as long as I live.  Such things should never be forgotten, but cherished until the very end.

Halloween isn't the same as an adult.  Period.  Well, when you have small children you have the utmost privilege to piggy-back on their experience, and that is breathtakingly awesome in its own way.  But the experience, given all its joy as you watch your own kids experience their own spooky happiness and magic can never replace your own as a child.  Ever.  It's simply a far different thing altogether.  And these days parents are either too religious, or too paranoid to allow their kids to trick-or-treat like they did when I was little.  So sad how things have become.  And it just doesn't stop with Halloween.  But that's another talk show.

There are a few places left that are still old school and unafraid.  Baldwin, Wisconsin is one such place.  Now that's an unforgettable experience that took me right back to my childhood.  Just like old times.  Big carts at the corners at the outskirts of the little town, unmanned, loaded with pumpkins... and you just drop a dollar or two in the bucket, depending on the size of the pumpkin you want.  The honor system.  Amazing.  A street within the city limits with a sign that says.. "Spooky Hollow."  That place just made me smile.  And honestly, this is just a drop in the bucket, because, well.. you should see this place at Christmas!

Well, anyway.  I'm done... not talking about what I want to talk about.

So what's with the makeover?

It's been a while, and not just for my blogger account, but for my web sites as well.  Those sites, I will get to at some point, but I just don't know when.  Time is in short supply these days.  Very short supply.  So for now this will suffice.

Now for a confession of sorts...

As much as I love and miss my friends, and I do, I still have a bit of a lingering issue with trust.  And by this I mean.. trusting with talking about 'anything and everything.'  This blog, like my LJ blog, are relatively exposed.  Meaning, exposed and, therefore, subject to criticism I'm most likely going to hear about at some point in time.  It's funny, really, because the whole idea of a blog is to not to temper your metal, but to have a safe environment to openly speak ones mind with complete abandon, and it's come to mind of late that I can't really do that.

Now, it's easy to say I don't reveal much here.  Health issues, and few tidbits of this and that, but.. I keep most of the 'nitty gritty' to myself.  It's just the way it is.  My past history has taught me that most people are quick to judge, and few people hone the edges off that sharp blade.

What has all this to do with the makeover here?....?  It's easy, really.  I'm simply changing the environment in hopes that perhaps I'll feel a little easier about talking more openly.  Yeah.  We'll see about that.  But at least I'm trying.

Let's just say that it doesn't take much for me to clam up.  Much too difficult to explain that, so I won't even try at this point in time.  Just understand that something in me is still fragile.  And here I was thinking I'd grown a thicker skin.  Well, guess I'm still a softie.

I mean...me, a tough chick? who was I kidding?  That's okay.  I'm just me.

A little larger than a cherry

I guess someone had to put things into perspective.  Oddly, I guess in some ways I couldn't really picture it, the nodule on my thyroid.  Oh, there've been times I thought I saw something when looking in the mirror, but I wasn't quite sure and, well, just assumed it was my imagination.

My imagination is a little bigger than a cherry, it would seem.

I'm not sure the image is going to actually in 'actual' size, and Blogger tends to 'size to fit' images anyway, but.. if you've ever eaten an average size cherry, then you know about what size one is.  The nodule on my thyroid is a little bigger than a cherry and almost the size of a quarter, but this gives an idea of what's sitting in my neck.  Somewhere.

It's also been explained to me that it's a 'smidge' smaller than a quarter.  Either way... yuck!  Still, I guess I'm just glad I can't really SEE the darn thing.  Well, maybe a hint of it when I swallow.  Unless that is my imagination. lol

So the ultrasound-guided FNA is scheduled on the 9th of October, and I'm so not looking forward to that.  Let's just say.. I've been warned that this is an extremely painful procedure, and this is IF they're kind enough to give you a few jabs of lidocaine beforehand.  And even then folks say that the lidocaine sticks are horrendous.  Lovely.  It's a little worrisome when tough guys admit that they shed a couple of tears doing those procedures.  So I guess I'll just have to grit my teeth and bear with it.  They have to take several samples to make sure they don't miss anything.

Anyway, know what isn't the size of a cherry but is still HUGE?  My new iPhone 6 Plus!  GEEEEEEEZ, Apple!  What were you thinking??  8-O  First off, it's super thin, and what I can't seem to get is.. why they keep making these phones skinnier.  I mean, you get this super pretty and uber cool iPhone, very thin and sleek and sexy, and it's sooooooo sleek and trim that you have to.. well... put a huge case on it just to protect it!  The skinnier the phone, the bigger the case.  Seriously?  *sigh*

Anyway.  I still like my phone, but I wish they would find a middle ground where we could enjoy the actual phone and not have to encase it in armor to use it.  lol

Another to file under "DUFUQ?"

So... not exactly sure what's up with this one.  Fluke?  Freak thing?  Tear in the space/time continuum?...

I gave up dieting a couple of weeks ago because it wasn't working.  At all.  Nada.  No matter what.  So I just started eating like a non-dieting, normal person.  Had pizza once, Chinese food once, Mexican food twice, even fast food once, dessert more than once... rather screwed up a few times, you might say.  Well, you get the picture.  And I realized, as I should have... that I shouldn't have done that.  The pounds went up, but just a few.  And I planned to go back on the diet again, to at least maintain my weight, especially since I knew by now after months that I had to diet to actually maintain my weight.

I PLANNED to go back on my diet.  Soon. "Planned" being the operative word here.  Yeah, hadn't done it yet... not even as of this morning.

So anyway.... lo and behold... yesterday I got on the scale and realized.. I lost a pound.  Wow.  Didn't even try.

That's one pound.  Okay.  I'll take it.  Didn't seem like a big deal.  But I couldn't sleep last night and out of boredom.. I weighed again.  Lost another pound.  Okay.  Cool!  Though... why?  Four hours later when I woke up.. weighed again.  Lost another pound.  Um.  Huh??

And... I just weighed a few minutes ago (5 hours since I weighed last)...  lost another 3/4 lb.

Dufuq?

There are a couple of other.. unpleasant things going on as well, but those could be just a fluke too.  In the meantime, I doubt I'll be getting on the scale again.  Just too freaky.

Still....

Dufuq???

FNA on Monday, uterine ultrasound on the 29th, and one seriously messed up doctor!

So I have my appt for a FNA on Monday, but my question is... why an ENT and not an endo?  Oh well, I've no idea.  Too tired to question it all.  But once again I have to stop the blood thinner tomorrow (Saturday), 48 hours prior to the procedure.  Kind of worries me, all of this going on and off the BT so much, and it's not going to end anytime soon.  I have a couple of dental visits that will require going off as well.  Heck, a routine cleaning requires my going off the BT.

Also have my uterine ultrasound scheduled for the 29th.  Would really like for that to end JUST with the ultrasound.  That's all I have to say about that.  Stupid, STUPID dr who had me on the hormones was completely stupid (yes, I've said it again) and apparently wanted my money far more than she wanted to protect my health.  I mean, after her refusing to give me a copy of my lab report, which BTW is a civil rights violation (you can check that out on the gov's web site), I went to see another dr who informed me that the way she had me on the hormones... I should NOT have been having a month visit from aunt flow "at all".  Well, not only was I having that visit, but it was every two weeks.  For several months.  And it was no small affair.

What happened next was basically this new doc telling me that I should NOT have been on the hormones "at all" to begin with because of my TIA last year, and because of the AFib.  FAR too high of a stroke risk and that these hormones increase the risk of stroke anyway and are antagonistic to blood thinners on top of it all "and cause clotting."  GREAT.  Thanks, Dr. W!  You suck as a doctor.

So here comes the ultrasound to rule out anything dangerous, and hopefully to rule out the need for a biopsy.  Damn but those are painful  Trust me, I've been through that one before.

This doctor, the clueless shrew who toyed with my health to get money.... I wish I could share her name here.  But I know better.  But I will warn any woman I'm able to talk to about avoiding her at all costs.  A few years ago her waiting room was fairly full.  But now... hardly anyone there anytime I've been to see her.  She looks different.  Ragged.  And she's severely bitchy and rude.  And... she's sneaky as hell....

She tries to slip through lab tests not covered by insurance, and thankfully LabQuest waived the fee for the $250 test I knew NOTHING about, much less approved.  I didn't ask for them to waive it, but I did call to inquire what it was.  They knew what was up and stated to not pay the bill until they could send an adjusted amount.  They waived the whole fee.

Secondly, she says you need a bunch of different supplements.  Seems like no biggie until you get to the counter to check out and they tell you that you owe them over $600.  Yes  SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS +.  I mean, seriously?  Um.  NO.

Every time she orders labs it's at least 13 vials of blood.  What the hell???  Is she a freakin' vampire or something??  Insane! I mean, crazy.  Absolutely crazy.  And but for that one test I knew nothing of, I've never seen anything on a lab result that was any different from any regular IOF or CBC that any other doctor has gotten with 2 or 3 vials!!!

I dumped her as my primary last week, in part because whenever she did labs (which was in excess), even if all were normal... she made me come in so she could tell me... nothing was wrong.  WTF??  Oh wait, yeah.... she did get a $30 copay out of me for that appointment.  No doctor, other than her, has ever made me come in to tell me my labs were normal.  She's a hack.

So I went back to my old primary doctor, and was I ever so relieved!  He's such a nice guy, thorough, attentive, and though he does like to do a lot of in-house stuff... he refers me out when it comes time to do so, like with this whole thyroid nodule thing.  But he spends whatever time he needs to listen to me, isn't impatient, and always asks "Is there anything else?" when it's all done.  I was dumb to try and go to 'her' for everything.... but especially for the hormones.  Hopefully... no damage has been done because of her.

Last week I tried to get a copy of my latest labs (remember what I said about about that?), and she flat refused and stated she had to see me in an appointment in order for me to get a copy.  Excuse me?  She had her front desk staff tell me this.  Of course I informed them that, by law, I was entitled to copies of my medical records, especially lab reports.  I won't state the entire conversation, but they argued and stated it was their clinic policy that they couldn't give me a copy because the doctor said I had to have an appointment.  I told them that they should read the H.I.P.P.A. handout they give to their patients, because they were breaking the law and violating people's civil rights by refusing to give them copies of their medical records.

I tried to do it their way and said, 'okay... does she have time to see me now or sometime today?'  The response was immediate.  "No.  We are swamped and have no available appointments."  Only one other patient was in the waiting room other than me, and only one other car was in the patient parking lot other than mine.  And then the office manager left, talked to the dr, came back and said, "She said she could do a phone consult appointment with you today, but it won't be covered on your insurance and it's $100.00."  To that I replied, "So she doesn't have time to see me for $30.00 but has the same amount of time to give me on the phone for $100.00"  I smiled a little and added.  "Interesting."

Then I added, "You know, of all the times in my life I have gotten phone calls about lab results I've never been charged.  Not once.  Not ever.  And she charges $100.00?  Wow."

So I left.  The other doctor I saw, the one who told me I shouldn't have been on the hormones to begin with, the one who said I shouldn't be bleeding every month on the regimen the other doc had me on, the one who ordered the ultrasound.. was floored that she refused to give me a copy of my labs.  In fact, this new doc had actually asked if I'd gotten a copy and could she see them so she didn't have to repeat blood work.  When I told her what happened.. she had me sign a release and she ordered copies herself.... shaking her head the whole time.

I think there comes a time when some doctors need NOT practice medicine any longer.  And when they forget the whole "First do no harm" thing, well... they need to flip burgers off the interstate or something.

Yeah.  I'm irritated.  She risked my health.  And according to the new doc, she risked my life.  So I'm pissed.  I'll get over it, if all is well.  But I'm irritated for now.

In the meantime, feeling a bit yucky (to say the least)... so I'm off to relax a bit.

***waves***

Time And Relative Dumps In Space

No explanation necessary.  *snort*

Random musings @ 24% and counting

Battery power, that is.... time's a-tickin'....

So I took a jaunt over to LiveJournal because... because.... just because, and quickly, for no apparent reason at all (just because), re-read a previous post.  And.  I sat there, appalled.  Dang.  You know, yeah.. I've not felt good (to say the least), but holy friole, Batman, but I've missed several embarrassing typos along the way.  Ridonkulous.  Why the hell do I even care?  Go figure. lol

I just do.

Just because.

It's those darn little things sometimes, ya know?  The painting on the wall that's listing 1/4" starboard,  the even number of items on the fireplace mantle (aaaaah, but you don't get that one, do you?)... and yes, I have 7 (not 6 nor 8) on mine, thank you very much, or that one annoying little thread sticking out on the trim of a perfectly gorgeous area rug....

Typos.....

Damn the forces that conspire against us.  Just because.

*snort*

No word on echo results, and... my new iPhone 6 Plus will arrive soon! :D

Well, first things first...

Went in for the thyroid echo, and the technician confirmed one on the right side, and one on the left, but that the one on the left was "Nothing like the other one."  Whatever that means.  The echo was done late afternoon, so the doc probably didn't get the tech's notes and completed report until late that day, most likely didn't get to see anything until the following day... so no word yet.  Will be interesting to see if the continued symptoms, even some I hadn't considered being thyroid-related until now, are because of this.  Or not.  We'll see.

Does seem odd that this long after the ablations for the arrhythmias that I would still be having issues, still have all the HR and rhythm weirdness, and stuff I won't even go into here.  At any rate, maybe they'll tell me something Monday.  Maybe.

iPhone 6 is finally out, and it sucked having to make that order at 2 am.  But that's what you have to do... Central time zone and all.  I opted for the bigger 6 Plus version, so that's going to take a little getting used to, and.. I'm up for that. :)  Already have a case picked out, but even those won't be ready for sale until the 19th.  May be on back-order, but.. I want the one I want.  ;)  I'm willing to wait to get the right one.

This is going to have to do for now, as I'm having trouble holding my arms up to type.  Just too doggone weak to do it right now.

I think I'm going to eat a couple of cinnamon graham crackers and watch a couple of episodes of Blacklist.

Laters!  :)

Carotid Echo found something.... else. (dufuq?)

lol  Okay, so.... the event monitor came off today, thank goodness!  Let me tell you, if you're allergic to that adhesive on the electrode stickies.... well, two weeks is a LOOOOOOONG time.  sheesh.  So, that being said...

I had a carotid echo last week (have to have one every year now) and received a call this morning that all was fine, nothing changed.  However, I have to come in tomorrow for another echo, this time on my thyroid (huh?).  Apparently, while doing the carotid echo they found a nodule on my thyroid.  So they have to do a thorough echo on my thyroid to assess size, see if there's more than one, to find out if it's solid or fluid-filled, etc, and (I think)... to see if it's 'hot' or 'cold.'  One might think 'hot' would be a bad thing, but in this case 'hot' means 'active.'

I'm nosey and want to know more, so.... checking on a few things on reputable medical sites, 'hot' nodules mean they are creating a situation where hormones are being produced outside the pituitary gland, and these nodules are far less likely to be malignant.  These nodules also can wreak havoc with your health, but... they can be dealt with, either hormonally or surgically.  A small nodule may not require anything but watching, though.  But I've a feeling mine is causing issues, and.. would explain a lot... like feeling like I'm burning up all of the time, heart racing way beyond what's normal even for arrhythmias, especially post-ablation, and a few other choice and not-so-pleasant symptoms.

The unexpected thing about these thyroid nodules is this:  apparently if you have more than one, it's good.  If they're 'hot' it's even better than cold. lol  Strange, huh?  One nodule is more likely to be cancerous, and a cold nodule is more likely to be cancerous.

Freaking strange.

Apparently, if the nodule (or nodules, whatever) is small, not causing symptoms (would be surprising), then it's a watch-and-wait thing, meaning I have to have an echo done every 6-12 months to assess if it's growing and, if so, how much.

But I'm going to be very surprised if this thing isn't active, because I used to be one to freeze all of the time, the one cold when everyone else wasn't.  Not anymore!!!  When everyone else is freezing, I'm not only overheated, but having to change clothes often because I've soaked right through everything I have on.  And I'm not talking hot flashes either, but overheated for hours on end, day in and day out.

Anyway, this is going to be interesting.

Whaaaaat? Naaaaaah!

So, had my 6 month check with my PC doc yesterday, and he briefly mentions the last echo I had in his office (echo of my heart)... and also mentions the leaky aortic valve....

***Queue needle scratching across record***

Excooooze?  Did you say aortic valve?  It would have been nice had I had that thought AT the office when still sitting across from him.  But nooooooo.  I had that thought after I got home.  I had another echo scheduled the next day for my carotid, so... thought I would double check that.  I mean, I've always known about the leaky mitral valve, but the aortic valve??  So I did ask, and yes... they did say aortic.

Really...

Okay.

Fabulous.

Mild.  But still.  Two valves on one side, and... dang.

Sheesh.

A quick check in...

So tired.... heart out of rhythm for a few days.  This time I'm on an event monitor, and my cardiologist wants me on double the meds.  :/  Phooey.

Too tired to say much more than that.

Maybe more later on.

Double phooey.

Here we go...again

4am(ish) and the little frog began to dance.  Maybe he just didn't know anyone was watching this time? haha

And just for fun... you know, this particular cartoon of MJF actually kind of sums up my experience so far, and.... the ending, rather reminds me of Dr. O, my EP! *snort* lol

Hey, gotta have a little fun, even if you feel like dookie. ;p  And besides, laughter has been known to trigger my AF, and... it's also been known to convert me right back into normal sinus rhythm! ;p  So let's have some fun!!!

FDA clears first smartphone-based device to detect atrial fibrillation

Wow....  This is really something!  Not much to post about, because the article pretty much speaks for itself.  Technology is, well, really coming around.

FDA Clears first smartphone-based device to detect atrial fibrillation

That propofol fog and the power of three

Well, I had my post ablation follow-up with my cardiologist today and discovered some interesting information.  Apparently, when Dr. O came in to speak to me after the procedure, while still in a propofol fog, and while he was filling me in on the details of the procedure, how it went, what he did, findings, etc.... I missed something.  Apparently I had, not two ablations as I had first thought, but three.

As it turns out, I had Atrial Fibrillation, Supraventricular Tachycardia, and Atrial Flutter.  Many folks confuse Afib and AFL, both of which can mimic one another as far as symptoms go, but.. they are different in many ways.  Either way, seems I had a lot more going on than I thought.  And... due to my lovely 5 day stint with... well, one or more of those arrhythmias, I get to wear an event monitor for a couple of weeks.  Not a full 30 days, thankfully... rather allergic to the adhesive on the monitor leads.

And then there was the discussion of increasing the beta blocker.  :(  *sigh*  Dr. A is, I hope, just going to monitor things for a couple of weeks in hopes that the 5 day dance-a-thon was just part of the healing process and not signs of possibly needing an ablation do-over in the future.  If things are more active than they should be, she may increase my carvedilol dosage (noooooooo!!!), which she rather threatened to do today.  Thankfully, she didn't do that, at least not today.  We will see what tomorrow brings.

What a day.  And... I bet that little froggy is going to be very quiet, because that's what he does most of the time when being watched.  And when this monitor comes off..... lol  ;p

Anyway, today has just been a little off.  Weird.  And just... 'off.'

Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about the 'Peacockasaurus.'  Yeah... not kidding about that.

"Skitch"? Seriously? rofl!

Wow.  I must say that's a first.  Someone was hateful to me in a dream, and I stood up to them... and called her a ... skitch.  *snort*  A word I know but have never 'used.'  I can't even remember the last time I got into a confrontation or argument with a female, much less called her a name.  But... in a dream?  Never.  Ultra weird.  Although, I did have someone else on my mind who was being bullied. Still... kind of silly when you think about it.

Dreams are so freakin' weird.

Now, it's about 8:53 am and I'm 50% low on my daily dose of caffein (that's 1/2 of 2 cups lol. Hey, it still counts!).  So if you're expecting anything interesting here, I'm betting you're going to be deeply disappointed.  I'm just not with it this morning at all.  And... I've a lot to do still.  First follow-up with my cardiologist, and I have to pick up something gorgeous for the living room.  This basically means I have to work on psyching myself up to believe I actually have energy today.  Yeah... I still have a way to go with the recovery, and some days are still pretty rough.

Anyhoo....

I guess I'll wind up the morning with Pandora, coffee (maybe I'll cheat a bit and have an extra cup), do a little housework, then go for the shower and doing my hair routine....

Ugh... and I still have to eat something to take the ole heart meds.  :/  Yuck.  I've become repulsed by the idea of eating in the morning.  How nice it would be to be taken off those meds and told I'm totally done with it all.  Yeah, but who am I kidding?  I would have to lie to my cardiologist and not tell her about my heart's 5 day dance-a-thon.  I know better.  Okay... guess I'll just have to suck it up, be honest, and tell all.

But hey!.... I get to come home and put that painting in the living room, and move the red umbrella painting in the bedroom (will look SO much better in there).... Color, light, shadow, beautiful things....  It's the little things, you know.

I'm such a girl.

"It was CONSTANT for FIVE DAYS??" ((oopsy))

Yeah, well, I promised to those I know with AF that I would update on a couple of things, and I did forget.  So here it is.  More specifically... the "5 day episode."

Last night as I spoke with the folks at the lab I learned that the 5 day long episode was most likely AF and not just some freak run-on event of ectopic beats.  Yeah, yeah... I knew that ectopic beats are something that happen on occasion, once in a while, just an extra, premature beat here and there.  And while those PVCs can happen often, they're not constant.  I guess maybe I just told myself that to avoid two things: 1) $150 ER visit (because I simply didn't want to incur the cost because I excepted this even to stop on its own), and 2) having to go through cardioversion via medication or electricity/shock.  I'm not scared, just didn't want to mess with it.  And frankly, my arrhythmia events normally stop on their own.

Yes, this time it went on for 5 days.  Yes, I was supposed to address it if it went on beyond 6 hours.  However, for every hour that passed I believed it would stop on its own.

Now in a previous post I did say I won't be doing that again.  It sucked, and it sucked for a day and a half after it converted on its own.  But... I also learned last night that T had no idea that it was "constant."  He was under the impression it was intermittent/on and off.  Oops.  I wasn't in bad trouble, and he wasn't angry.  But.. he wasn't real happy with me either.

I reassured him that I wasn't going to let it go past a few hours again... IF... it ever happened again at all.  And it may not ever happen again.

So... for those of you reading.... please don't do what I did!  Remember what AF is, and remember that the longer blood continues to pool in your atria that you're risking a clot forming, and even when blood pools for a brief period of time (such as in short bursts of AF)... you risk clot formation, which means you risk having a stroke!

I'm not sure why I allowed myself to believe that it couldn't possibly be AF.  Maybe it was because of the ablation.  I think perhaps that's most likely what I was thinking.  But if this happens to you, don't do like I did and assume.  Just call your EP or cardiologist, or just go to the ER.  But don't ignore it.  Go by whatever the instructions were that you were given when you had your ablation.

Okay.  I've done my part.....

Oh yeah... No sleep study last night

Had to put off the sleep study.  Then... of course today was the phone call and the well-meaning person on the phone telling me that because I have AFib (ablation or not) that I'm at a super high risk of heart attack and stroke, etc...etc...etc.  I already knew this, but... the rules are theirs, not mine.  No sense in going through all the gory details, but it is what it is.  And frankly, their calling today of all days, and with all the crap going on at this very moment... I really could care less about all the 'risk' involved with possible sleep issues and AF.  But I bit my tongue and let her talk and thanked her kindly for her concern.

eh.  It's really been one of those days.  Been a while.

That's all I have to say at the moment.  I'm sure there will be something more substantial later.  I pretty much unloaded on LJ.. and there wasn't even enough left in my to copy and paste anything here.

..........

Dang bad dream. Where the hell did that come from?

....well, anyway.  That was weird waking up after THAT.  Wasn't a nightmare, nor was it even scary.  Just... stressful.  Given who was in the dream and what they did... of course it was stressful. But dang.  And then.... there was the waking portion of the day.  Cripes.  Seriously.  But then, I already unloaded about that on LiveJournal, so I'm not going to go over that one again here.

Speaking of LJ... man it's fun to change the templates there.  At a whim.  Just because I can.

*snort*

Sleeping in strange beds

It's going to happen tonight.  lol  Settle down!!  Nothing sordid.  Though I know you guys are probably SO disappointed to hear that (pervs that you are).  Naw, I have a sleep study tonight, a split study to be exact.  Health insurance companies try their best to cut costs these days, so I'm cramming two nights into one.  One half of the night simply monitoring, and the second half of the night with a CPAP machine (ugh) to see if it helps.  Hey, if it makes the little frog (my heart) NOT dance in my sleep and I can actually GET some decent sleep... then I'm in!

My heart's still calm since the 5 day dance-a-thon, thank goodness.  Though, it would have been perhaps helpful to have been monitored to see WTH it was doing, exactly, that whole time.  Oh well. I'm just glad it's not doing it now and that I don't have to go through chemical or electrical cardioversion.

Can't allow myself to fall asleep during the day today, so I got myself a horror movie to watch, and... I will watch a few episodes of AWKWARD.  OMG.. that series is ridiculously funny!  I mean, it's supposed to be a teen series, but DANG.  I'm more convinced it's for adults, because there is way too much adult stuff going on for it to be for teenagers.  Either that or prime time tv has become exceedingly liberated. lol  How so?  One phrase from one episode--- "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Whore."  Yeah.  So anyhoo.... (damn you, spellcheck!  Stop changing my "hoo's to how's!!!)... I must NOT fall asleep today, no matter how tired I am.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

I'll write more later, but for now..... I can't have any caffein or sugar after 11:00am!  Eghads!!!

There's a BlueBell banana popsicle with my name on it, and the clock's ticking!!! 

Laters!

That little froggy danced. For. Five. Straight. Days. Seriously?

I'm assuming it's part of the healing process.  But damn.  I'm used to my heart going out of rhythm for a few minutes to, say, upwards of an hour.  But....Five days?  Seriously?  Five days straight?  That's a bit of a stretch, even for me.

Not all arrhythmias are created equal.  All of them feel different.  For me, whichever this was coming back to rear its ugly head, felt like... well, I guess the best way to describe it would be to say it's like how a car engine idles when there's a bad spark plug, or when a distributer cap gets a little bad.  All that bumping and thumping and sputtering about.  It literally feels just like that, and in my case it went on like that for days without any relief.

Exhausting.

But last night as I got in bed and laid on my left side, the side that anyone who deals with arrhythmia issues dreads laying on, I started to cough.  It was a chest cough, the kind that feels like someone squeezing your heart while they're sitting on your chest.  I'm no stranger to this, mind you, as this is something that comes with heart issues.  But this was a little violent and went on for a few minutes.  But after.... after wasn't so bad, really.  Because after is when I felt the calm inside my chest that I hadn't felt in days.  WHAT a relief that was.

I could feel the familiar ache in my muscles that comes with conversion and wondered if that had actually happened.  But there was still a flutter or two, so I wasn't quite sure.  Yet.. I would take what peace I could get, because it's really hard to sleep when you're heart's doing summersaults in your chest all night.  The coughing finally subsided, and I slept.  When morning came... the all over ache was there, but... the sputtering engine that was my heart the previous 5 days... had calmed.  No more spluttering about in my chest, no more cold sweats and oddball headaches out of nowhere, no more waves of dizziness.  My body was tired and worn out, chest was aching badly.  But hey, my poor heart had a serious workout, so... I wasn't surprised by that so much.

Maybe I should have called my cardiologist.  Dr. Osorio did tell me that if my heart went out of rhythm for 6 hours or more to call... but, I was really sure it would work itself out.  It did.  And yeah, maybe 5 days later.  But I did learn something...

I will NOT be waiting like that again.

And, the next time it happens, IF it happens again, I will call Dr. A (my cardiologist).  Dr. O, btw, is my EP.  If he were closer, I would call his office, but... he's 1.5 hours away.  But my point is, I learned my lesson.  That 5 day stint took too much out of me.

And there was this one other teeny, weeny little thing this morning.  For about two minutes it felt like someone had taken a blazing hot sword and ran it up under my ribs and into my chest a few times.  The burning ache went up my chest, into my throat and into my face.  I've felt this in the past, but it's been a while.  Maybe a one last violent protest from my heart in reaction to what I allowed it to go through over the last few days.  Sorry, heart.  I won't do that to you again.  I have a really high pain threshold (toothache being the only exception).

So I guess I have to be nicer to myself and try not to be such a damn toughie.  I need to get rid of the idea that my mantra has to be "It will go away," because now that I have health insurance I don't have to suck up the pain and suffer through it all.  Old habits die hard, I guess.

I have to admit... those 5 days sucked, and the momentary occasional flutters I feel even now make me think... please don't start again!

Love me in perpetuity....

Okay... so I have to clear something up. ;p

For those who read my LiveJournal entries, you've noticed I've renamed my journal there.  And for a couple of you who haven't gotten my forewarning about the name change on FB yet (sorry about that) I thought I would clear this up here since you still like to come here and read....

There's been a couple of questions, to say the least, an abundance of curiosity really... about what the name change means.

Love me in perpetuity

it's all an ephemeral dream anyway

This..... came to mind in early 2013, and the origin doesn't matter right now (not to dredge up the past).  It actually came to mind another way after an unpleasant (to say the least) phone call, the last of a couple before what I called "the big silence."  The original phrase was actually... "Hate me in perpetuity---it's all an ephemeral dream anyway."  That's what came to mind first.  But a split second after... 'hate' became 'love' and... well, that phrase has stuck with me ever since.

So as for the 'what does it mean?' part...

I guess the real question one may possibly be asking is what it means to me.  Now that.. I can answer.

Love is a choice.  And I suppose the same goes for hate.  After all, there is a fine line between love and hate, and some would even argue that the line blurs so completely between the two that they almost mimic one another.  I'm not completely convinced of that, but I do firmly believe (as I said) that they are choices we make.

Still, those emotions (for humans) are transient unless a choice is made.  And lets face it, few humans are capable of making that choice and allow knee-jerk reactions, thought-driven emotion to make decisions for them, etc... to create an outcome.  Few are actually in control of things as they would like themselves and others to believe.  It's human nature and natural.  No need for anyone to be offended by my saying this, and... no one has to agree with me. :)  It's okay for us to disagree.  And my friends, thankfully, are open-minded and intelligent enough to have these kind of conversations with me where we can disagree calmly and go on about our business without ill will.

So anyway, love or hate.  Choice.  And how does this play into an online blog?  Well, it's a journal, someone's thoughts, shared moments, dreams, wishes, parts of their day, their life as a whole at times.... and in my case... sometimes I go deep, and sometimes I don't.  And when I do I don't leave that entry up too long.  So that's definitely a momentary thing and not at all lasting here in cyberspace.

Readers... they are often passers-by.  Not always.  But sometimes.  Transient.

And there have been times, and there may be more, when I simply clean house in my blogs.  Transient.

And why do people read?  I don't know.  Genuinely interested in what I have to say?  Boredom?  Nothing better to do?  A friend emotionally invested in my well-being or happiness?  A curiosity thing?  Who knows?

The blog title... just a play on words steeped in truth and history and sprinkled with.... well, that reveals itself in the entries themselves.

After it's all said and done it's just me being me.

So.... there it is.  If it still doesn't make sense, well.. I guess you would have had to have been there to understand fully.  Though... I'm not so sure you would even then.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

Doll / Art / Photography / Office / room almost done

Busy weekend of sorts....

The art room has been a work in progress since the start.  It has SO much potential with the big windows on one side, the French doors leading onto the porch on the other..... just so much potential. This workspace is going to be more than just workspace when I'm done, more than just a creative womb where ideas and visions are eventually born.  This space will also be a decompression chamber of sorts.  Not everyone will get that concept.

So Pier 1 had the ottoman in the store, and the sofa/loveseat (it's really kind of both) will be in the store sometime this week (had to order it).  It's soooo pretty, and the ottoman... huge, and in fact it doubles as a coffee table (when using a serving tray on top).  Very cool stuff...  As a girl, well, it suits me just fine.  And eventually I will find an area rug to go in there as well.  One thing at a time.  :)

Working on the dolls in there will be easy, and I'll have a nice, comfy loveseat to kick back on when I want to take a break and chill out a while.  It's going to be quite nice.

I have a couple of custom orders soon, too, which is going to be pretty fun......

Below is a photo from Pier 1... it includes both the loveseat/sofa and the ottoman.  I just love it. :)

I can hardly wait!!!  :D

Marley and Me

No, not the movie. lol  My car and me.  We have a few places to go and people to see coming up, and dang... I'm so doggone worn out from that ablation... still.  But... between my T, my kids/grandkids, and my Marley... it's all good.  I'll get through this.  It's not easy though, I'll tell you that.

T has made this as easy as any of it could be, and it's so funny and cute how he never refers to 'the Mini' as "The Mini," but... as "Marley." lol  Comes as natural to him as calling my dog by her name, or.. calling the ferrets by their names.  So funny.

Day by day, one by one, I deal with the after effects of the ablation, get hugs and love from T and my kids, etc.... and even a little love from Marley when I drive him around.  There's joy in so much, even when I don't feel good.

That's all.  Nuttin' fancy to say today.  Now it's time to eat some lunch......

*waves*

Yeah... hilarious, and what talent. One of my favorite videos EVER! rofl!!

Been SO busy!!

A lot has happened since I logged in here.  Well, not so much as 'happened,' but more.. just stuff happening.  You know, life and junk....

For starters, I am no longer under the thumb of the Suckie Mae corporation!  THAT is huge!  So there's one thing.  The other... well, I've put a couple of pics below, but I basically have a new MacBook Pro with Retina display.  Soooooo happy about that!  My little "Vintage" MacBook finally gave up the ghost after many years of service to myself, and whoever owned it before me (it was a referbished MacBook Pro)... but it croaked due to a bad NVIDIA graphics chip.  But still, that laptop never gave me a bit of trouble until the chip went bad, and even that took years.  It was old enough to be called "Vintage" by Apple, so it did its job well, while everyone I knew with PCs went through their OS nightmares, blue screens, hardware & software incompatibilities, hard drive crashes, failures, brain farts, etc....  Anyway, it was a good Mac (they always are).

My new toy!  The refurbished MacBook Pro was great, don't get me wrong, but this one.. is... WOW!   Thinner, brighter, faster, HUGE HD... so much fun.  Gorgeous.  And of course, as with all things Apple, the presentation is simply unmatched.  Love it!

I spent the morning (hmmmm... well, the better part of the day lol) getting it all set up with my stuff and taking care of online business.  But all and all.... so SO much fun!

Now on to the next task for the day....

Tomorrow, road trip.  Thursday, resting a bit.  Friday, another road trip.  And a relaxing weekend planned.  SO looking forward to that.

:)

Well, "Shitkabob" *snort*

Yeah, got that goofy word from my youngest son.   But dang, the crazy roller coaster has begun, it seems.  Can't sleep well at night anymore, as it seems my heart has decided that's when it wants to run amok the most.  It's done that in the past, so timing isn't all that surprising.  My guess is that this is the healing process and that once the scars form around the pulmonary veins... these episodes will lessen. With luck, I won't go into AF to the point where I'll need cardioversion.  :/  Let's hope.

Yesterday was a bit disappointing.  I've been having issues getting a BP reading since my ablation, and yesterday was no exception.  However, I DID manage (miracle of all miracles) to get ONE reading in the morning.  The disappointment was the arrhythmia indicator on the reading.  Heart rate was higher than it's been in a few years (75 bpm), but it's been higher than that since the ablation, and way higher than that last night (which I'll address in a minute).

For the past few years, as the fatigue kept raging on and taking over my life, on the occasion I've had my BP taken at pharmacies and the like, I've been asked if I were on medication for HR control... because my Hr was so doggone low (40s to 50s).  Post-ablation (as mentioned before).. it's been ranging in the 70's, 80's, and even higher.  No idea what that's about.

Last night was rough.. trying to sleep.  Heart rate was up to 110 bpm at one point, and truthfully it was very hard to get my HR because my pulse was so erratic.  After about 10-15 minutes things calmed down enough to actually count all the beats, though, and that's when I got the 110 number.  And this is on the beta-blockers.  I'm assuming it would have been MUCH higher without the medication.  Today... chest pain, fatigue, breathlessness and dizziness.  Ugh.

But I'm still here.  I want to document as much as I can in hopes it may help someone else who thinks they're the only ones going through this.  Everyone's story is different, and I suppose folks who don't have a single issue most likely won't talk about their lack of, well, symptoms.  But a large majority of us do go through this and often either reach out to others for help, or.... reach out in hopes of helping others.  I guess I've done both.  There have been quite a few hours or reading and research on forums prior to my ablation.  I wanted to know beforehand what to expect, because I don't like surprises.

You can choose to stick your head in the sand and be blindsided by what may come, OR... you can choose to be informed and ready.  :)

T keeps telling me to call Dr. Osorio or my new cardiologist.  But I'm not ready to do that, because I know what I'm going through... many others have gone through as well, and there's a very good chance that this is simply just part of the healing process.  I've made this choice for me.  Everyone is different, and everyone has to make decisions for their own body and their own needs!

Now, if things get worse.... and I know what 'worse' means for me.... I will do something about it.  Until then, I take it day by day.  That's all.

It takes about 3 months for the heart to heal from this procedure, and it's been 6 days.  I have a bit of a distance to go in this healing process.....

"All I had to do was breathe on you & your heart would go out of rhythm."

Wow.  Not sure how much I can post, but I will try my best.  SO.. well, worn out and achy still.

I didn't post that third day off the carvedilol, because there wasn't anything on board at that point to control the arrhythmia(s) or heart rate.  It was rough, and it was making me tired.  I was SO sure that being OFF the stuff would make me feel better, but... I really hadn't considered or factored in my heart being out of rhythm so much.  So there wasn't anything left in me that allowed for sitting at the computer to post.. or to do anything else, for that matter.

The night before the procedure I took my BP, which would normally show a low reading.  Now, remember that any form of cardiac arrhythmia will screw with your BP readings... the readings, which isn't necessarily the ACTUAL blood pressure.  The danger here is not knowing if it's actual BP or.. a skewed reading since BP monitors use your HR to get/calculate the readings.  Now, the night before the procedure I'd been of carvedilol, which both lowers your BP a little and controls HR, and I had blinding headache (that had come and gone over the past several days), so.. my BP showing that night may have been accurate.  However, and thankfully, it was most likely caused by my heart acting up and went back down to low/normal once it went into normal sinus rhythm again.

The pics below show the high reading the night before the procedure, and the very LOW reading the morning of.  Both have the little heart symbol (white square with the 'echo' lines), which means my heart's rhythm deviated by at least 25% during the reading.  Makes sense, and isn't surprising.

This is what was happening pre-ablation:

After ablation... well, it's been near impossible to actually GET a reading.  That's another talk show.  I have to continue on the medications: Beta-Blocker, ACE Inhibitor, and blood thinner (Eliquis, the blood thinner, I will be on the rest of my life due to the TIA I had in 2013).

My HR has been.. odd, about 80 BPM, which is strange, but I'm not sure what that's about, except that if my BP is dropping too much.. my heart is compensating.  And if my BP is too low, the BP monitor won't get a reading (home monitors aren't as sensitive as the ones at Dr's offices).

At the hospital - Ablation Day

The waiting was long, which is usually the case.  Blood work has to be done, and another T.E.E. (transesophageal echocardiogram) to make sure there are no blood clots in the atria.  A blot clot in the atria during an ablation could mean it dislodging, resulting in stroke, during the procedure.

The ablation took about 4 hours.  I was out of it, of course, but do recall waking momentarily when they removed the catheters and applied pressure to the entrance wounds (DAMN THAT HURT!!).  The pain woke me, but I went right back under once they got the bandage on me.

Dr. Osario came in a bit later and spoke with me about the procedure, what he did, and what he found.

"All I had to do was breathe on you and your heart would go out of rhythm.  I'm surprised you didn't come and see me sooner!"  He said.

I told him I didn't have insurance, and I honestly didn't know that what was going on was really that serious.  I really didn't know.  But since last year... a little voice inside was whispering ... something isn't right!!!  It got my attention, especially since I moved to Montgomery and things continued to worsen.  Even then, I blamed my symptoms on almost everything but my heart.

Dr. Osario went on to tell me that the ablation took care of my SVT (supra ventricular tachacardia) which I'd had since I was a teenager, and the atrial fibrillation as well.  The difference, briefly, between the two is that SVT is an incredibly fast HR (160-200+ BPM) with a regular rhythm, and AF is an incredibly fast HR (150-200+ BPM) with an irregular rhythm.  What they have in common is that both originate in the atria.  AF... the ablation, for PAF (which is technically what I have) happens at the pulmonary veins (see pic below).  

The image below shows an extremely overly simplified version of what happened during the procedure, and yes... they had to go through the wall of my heart to reach the pulmonary veins.  This is showing the treated areas for AF/PAF.  Discussing....SVT we will worry about another time, though they did treat that as well.  The AF was the most dangerous issue here, but it may have been a factor in causing my AF.

It was an incredibly invasive procedure with great risk, but the benefits outweighed the risks, plain and simple.  Oh... and the wire with the loop is the mapping catheter, which is used to "map" the area to be cauterized so that the catheters can be 'guided' later, like a GPS system, by huge magnets... and the doctors skillful hands.  Pretty cool stuff.

The ablation for AF/PAF is always the same, especially PAF.  But the EP (Dr. Osario in this case) 'triggers' the arrhythmia using medication injected into the IV.  Apparently, in my case, this took very little effort. lol  Funny, really, because this little froggy wouldn't dance for anyone before (but for an audience of one.. ME!), but I guess he saw this as his last chance and gave the performance of a lifetime...and went out in a blaze of glory! lol  Hence, Dr. Osario's comment.  But this was a good thing, because it made mapping easy, and the procedure easy, and I was in the OR for 4 hours... instead of 6!

Once the ablation is done, the EP (electrophysiologist) attempts to trigger the arrhythmia using the same medications.  If he cannot trigger the arrhythmia, the procedure is considered a success.

After.....

Bed rest, have to lay on your back in a semi-sitting or laying position for 4 hours.  :/  Ugh.  NOT easy.  Couldn't even go to the bathroom!  Nevermind that (oh the huge manatee!!).  Once I could avoid the doggone bedpan 4 hours later... walking the few feet to the bathroom felt like I was climbing a mountain.  Wow.... was my heart tired and achy!  And painful.  Chest pain from hell, pressure in my throat, tired beyond anything I'd felt before.  And back on the meds.

Doctor's orders....

No strenuous activity or exercise.  No heavy lifting, nothing 5 lbs or over.  No bending, stooping, squatting, blah.. blah.. blah.  Like I could! .... for a week.  Have to take it easy for a week, but have to continue taking it somewhat easy for a couple of months.

It takes about 2 1/2 to 3 months to be certain of how successful the ablation was, so I have a follow up with Dr. Osorio then, and a follow up with my cardiologist August 24.  My cardiologist is different now, as Dr. Diwan made a career move out of state.  So bummed about that.  Hopefully my new cardio doc is as good.  We will see.

4 days later....

Still very tired, but... at least I can sit here at the computer without massive chest pain.  Some chest pain, but getting better.  I can tell when my BP plummets, but... it's worse in the morning.  Not sure what the deal is with the 80 bpm HR, but.. just keeping an eye on that for now.  Feels like it's more around 70 or so at the moment (wow!  more like normal, instead of in the 40's or racing!!!!).  Coolness!

The future....

The big, fat wait.  Only time will tell how successful an ablation is.  Some people have to have do-overs (1, 2, some even 3 times), while others have great success the first time.  Some continue having issues right out of the OR, while others find that their AF finds another pathway into their heart within a year or two (or shorter).  There's no 100% guarantee.  But the good news is that for PAF... your success rate is better. :)

You see, even after an ablation AF is still there!  What the EP did is cauterize the areas so that the crazy electrical signals are isolated so they can't reach your heart!  I still have AF... it's just not affecting my heart.  Weird concept, I know, but that's how it works.

Pulmonary issues??  I have no idea if I have resulting pulmonary issues due to the back pressure from AF and resulting periods of spiking high BP.  I have moderate mitral valve regurgitation which causes some back pressure into the lungs, so that may be causing some problems.

Early last year I had an echocardiogram which showed mild pulmonary hypertension.  It wasn't of any concern to anyone, so it was just left 'as is.'  The pressure then was 36.  I had another echo done a few months ago which showed the pressure at 46.  This could have been caused by BP spikes, AF... but.. that has to be looked at now, too.  It's often connected, so... I have to see the pulmonary doc this Thursday.

I'm pooped out.  Took forever to write this, and... I'm done.

Til next time....