My Tribute to E9

Note:  Blogger tends to cut off part of the video for some reason, so you may want to choose to watch on the YouTube channel instead.

American Bald Eagle E9 hatched Dec 31, 2016, fledged March 14, 2017, and stole my heart the day he hatched. He looked like a dust bunny with big feet, and who couldn't fall in love with that? Today is March 29, 2017 and E9 has not left the nest area and could be around a couple more weeks or so. Or, he could leave tomorrow. He lives on eagle time, so it really comes down to when he's ready. As for me being ready, well... that's a whole other story altogether.

This video is deeply personal one for me, so I'll spare everyone the details. But I will say that, yes, the quiet in that last minute and few seconds is intentional.

A huge thanks to the Pritchett family, moderators and ground support who made this amazing experience positively unforgettable, providing chat to answer a plethora of questions from watchers, educating us and making it so much fun to learn, and smoothing our ruffled feathers when we got worried... which we did a LOT. God willing, I will be watching again. Harriet, M15 and E9 have a permanent place in my heart.

Video and all SCAPs ©Ella Wigginton.

Delerium and Mimi Page - Angels

What happens when your GiveAShitter breaks.

I'm going to put some pretty flowers here to spruce up the dungheap known as my life.  It's okay, I promise it's not the kind of dungheap that smells bad (so you're safe there), but it is the kind of dungheap that makes the stinky one.... far far more appealing.  Trust me on this.

The waiting is ridiculously long, tedious, and stressful.  Waiting for your life to begin, or worse, waiting for people to get out of you way so you can LIVE your life is one of the longest waits ever.  It's definitely not something I enjoy and IS definitely something I try to avoid when possible.  I just don't get why people refuse to make their own lives their business and stay out of mine.  Honestly, I'm only speaking about one person right now, and the one person who has the most freaking control over my life at that.  There has to be a way to break through this.  There HAS to be.

I'm not happy.  Doesn't require a degree in rocket science to see this either.  As my health declined, as sleep became an unpleasant endeavor, as everything about my physical health hit bottom... so did my emotional health.  Who the hell can be happy in the midst of turmoil brought in, created and cultivated by ONE individual?  I have no control over what others do, and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with their control issues.  T has some serious control issues and it clashes heavily with my need for a vital, vibrant LIFE.  I'm fighting for what is good and healthy for me, while he fights directly against it.

The worst of the health issues I'm dealing with now is going to take about a YEAR to fix.  A YEAR.  Think about that for a moment.  I have to hold on, maintain until that year (which comes with stress as I've been warned) is complete and I'm on the other side of this problem.  Most people who have to deal with something, health wise, that takes so long to recover from or get to or complete treatment, etc.... have a support network helping them along the way.  Not me.  I'm stuck with someone who vacillates between abject indifference.... or complete and total opposition.  I'm doing this for my health, my life, my well-being, so why the hell would T do that?  I've no idea... but I did find out a few years back that I'm not the asshole whisperer.

So sick of fighting daily for my health, well-being....

When I can't find my voice...

Many times I go silent when I 'believe' I've nothing to say.  It used to be I had other outlets for expression when I would fall into this uncharacteristic silence and would take full advantage of them.  Photography, OOAK doll art, web site, and so on.  But these days, in the midst of my current 'energy crisis,' those other outlets are out of reach.

In some ways, I don't mind the quiet days.  Mostly it's the nature of not being able to express myself that bothers me.  Yet, it's not like I have a lot of power over this.  I know I'm not as 'shut down' as I feel, and I realize wholly that inside... there's a great deal going on.

Maybe I just need another cup of coffee.

NOTE:  The above was written a few months ago, and in many ways I miss that 'me' that I was even then.  I'm tired beyond belief of people stepping into my life and thinking they can pull strings and I'll dance.  I'm nobody's puppet.

Soul renewal.

Turning my focus in a new direction has made life a bit easier to bear.  I love animals, and my latest newfound love are Bald Eagles, and luckily for me I have the bald eagle live streams to turn to if I don't feel quite right, if I'm down or anxious, lonely, sad... doesn't matter.  Over the past year I've been awed and amazed by what I've witnessed, and I've been beyond amazed by the healing power of nature, once again.

Yesterday, March 6, 2017 at 6:29am EST E9, whom I've watched since he hatched, branched for the first time.  And, I was able to see it LIVE as it happened for the first time.  The photo above was from early this morning when he found his way to the veranda of the nest tree.

I haven't actually been 'lucky' as I keep one of my devices with the stream running at all times.. well, except when sleeping or driving.  But even if I'm not looking right at the screen I can hear if something is happening so miss very little.  I've seen and heard every milestone for this eaglet because I choose THIS, rather than staring at a television screen or spending a lot of time online doing mindless surfing.  And I've been amazed and awed by every moment.

He has a couple of weeks or so to go before he attempts fledging and will remain in the nest area for a few weeks afterwards to follow the adults and perfect his flying and learn to hunt.  It will be a sad day when he leaves the nest area for good, but there are other eagle cams with eaglets or eggs.  THIS particular nest with it's gorgeous couple Harriett and M15... has won my heart, and I will watch every season as long as they return to this nest.

For now I will just enjoy the laughs, the sometimes drama. the wonder and the life that is at this nest right now.

As an aside, E9 did something for the first time today and... I was watching and was able to catch a screen shot.  I had the stream running on both my computer and my iPhone, which there is always a delay from YouTube and the web site streaming from youtube... so I lucked out and had a chance to snag this.

What you're looking at is E9 mantling, which is using the wings and posture in a protective stance.  I've seen him do this when food is brought to the nest (and also when he THINKS food is brought), but this is a first for his mantling over the nest.  You can see him looking up at something, maybe one of the adults returning to the nest and he didn't see at first who it was so didn't recognize them, or maybe it was a visitor, aka an "Intruder" flying over the nest tree.  He's laying down, so when he realized something was overhead he rapidly stretched out his wings over the nest.  Mantling over food isn't done laying down but in a crouched position with wings arching over the food in order to keep anything else from getting it.

Never a dull moment in this nest, as is the case with most eagle nests.  There are a few out there, too, and I often use the Eagle Cam app since it has a list of several eagle cams, though not all of them.

So how is this 'soul renewal'?  Easy--anything that takes me away from the grind and humdrum of daily life stresses, etc... is a definite soul renewal.  It's relaxing, calming.. most of the time.  Unless there's a lot of flapping, hopping and squeeing going on.  Well, there are a lot of things that happen in and around the nest that can spike that adrenalin, but mostly... it's just uplifting to experience.

:)

Be brave for me...

Just thought... I'd leave this here....

Enjoy.

Back the grind

Getting back to life's daily grind for most people means just returning to daily life as you know it.  In better circumstances this doesn't signify anything bad or negative, but in some people's lives the daily grind isn't something wanted, need, or what you ever wish to return to if given a choice.  Okay, well if it turns out that you're stepping back into the long-haul of a less-than-happy life it's better to be prepared than to be pushed.  Days like today I just want to get in my car and leave, to get away from yet another person who can't seem to stop shoving me into a place I'd rather not be.

Dammit.

The phone call ended a few minutes ago, and the classic arrogance and argumentative nature came flooding across the and was, for every practical purpose, the proverbial shove into a virtually gelatinous mess that I'll now have to fight my way out of.  Gee thanks!

Not all arguments are bad.  And if you're one of those who think they are.. then I will say you're at risk of not addressing the issues that come up in normal, everyday life.  It's okay to disagree, and it's okay to have an opposing view and discuss it, and it's also okay to contemplate the possibility that you may, in fact, could be wrong.  This is NOT about someone shoving their opinions down your throat but more a situation where someone is determined to make an argument about absolutely anything and everything there is.  So what the hell happened, exactly?

Everyone at some point has said something while thinking something else.  Meaning, as an example, SAYING "I have to get groceries today" when you were THINKING "I need to gas the car up today."  Everyone has done that, or said something they weren't meaning to say.... and usually those you're talking to are confused and ask what you meant....

A short while ago I asked T if he was going to do X today and replied "I'm going tomorrow."  I asked "Why tomorrow?"  And he replied.. "I said 'today'"  I simply replied "Oh, okay.  You said you were going tomorrow so I was confused."  And THAT, my friends, was my FIRST mistake.

The rest of the short and extremely RIDICULOUS conversation was him saying "No, I said I'm going TODAY," and me responding with "No, you said tomorrow which was why I said it was confusing," to which he replied "NO, I said TODAY!"  And so you can see how NON-productive THAT juvenile exchange was.  I cut the conversation off and said I had to go and hung up.

Look, misspeaking isn't a crime and not even anything people get angry about or even THINK anything of.  Most, like me, ask for clarification and move on.  But then T isn't like most and will, if possible, turn anything into an argument because he doesn't really listen to what's being said, not even what HE is saying... overall simply not paying attention at all.  And here is where I'm flung into the negative bullshit when all I really wanted to do was to get on with my day.

I'm dealing with a lot right now, having to sort through some medical information online and trying to make a decision on something that will affect my health.  No need to get into that right now, but it is CRITICAL for me to do my research NOW.  It is stressful, which is the nature of the beast.  And honestly, I really don't need the ridiculous, childish crap on top of everything else.  Good GRIEF but this is utterly STUPID to have to deal with.

Why is it that so many people out there are UNABLE or UNWILLING to pick their battles?  My God  but the ego's on some men are excruciatingly bloated.  And no, not ALL guys are like this.  but damn... way way too many are.  Women too, yes, but for the sake of this conversation I'm talking about guys.

Great.... don't ya just love stress?

SMH.