Pandora Spa Radio. Why?

The answer is easy.... stress.  Is it working?  No.  So what's the point?  There isn't any.

It's a stressful day.  Rooms To Go is delivering my new bed frame today, one that will fit in the smaller room a bit better.  The problem?  The delivery crew.   They delivered other furniture here before and did a terrible job of placement and assembly of the furniture and a GREAT job at creating damage to a door frame, as well as the wood floor.  They are a disaster.

One of the crew members, a kid (who still works for them) actually took a gorgeous throw from the sofa and laid it on the dirty floor to kneel on, and to put furniture on that they were putting together.  The floor was dirty because they didn't bother wiping their shoes before coming in, which meant the throw had to be taken to the dry cleaner.  We had to file an insurance claim on the other damage, and I will tell you this... what a bad business model to keep those who do so much damage and are so careless.  But enough of that.  I'll deal with the stress and hope it subsides soon.

I have to say, I'm going to REALLY miss my other bed frame.  It's gorgeous.  It didn't fit the room well because of the large posts, so this one will definitely make for providing a more spacious environment in there.  Still.... I miss that bed frame. :(

Today's 'feel' has to change, and soon.  BS with T made the previous couple of hours an absolute mess, and then the workers decided (as I just found out) that they were going to leave the bed frame several inches from the wall at the headboard end.  Um.  WHY?  

Here's hoping the rest of the day will be better.  Praying it will be.

It simply HAS to be.

Dear Blogger, I'm Amazed...

And I am.  Amazed, that is.  How is it that a free site makes everything so easy when the paid sites make things so, well, difficult?  I wanted to upgrade even further on Word Press, hoping that it would provide enough space/storage for photography posts, but as it turns out only a few images uploaded used over half of my storage plan.  Hmmm.  I don't like that.

Okay, so given I shouldn't be uploading the high resolution files for blogs, I wanted to display only the best versions... which is the higher res files.  Yes, I know I will have to downsize etc, etc. etc., because it's just not that practical to have monstrous files uploaded unless it's for downloading purposes.  But still, from a photographer and digital art standpoint uploading dinky versions of images isn't really the best idea either.

Oh the huge manatee!

Yeah, yeah.. I'm off track.  Anyway, Blogger is just a seamless and easy way to blog, post images, etc.  They don't really offer themes focused on photography (no pun intended), but it certainly beats paying out the YingYang for a site that only works part of the time, changes dimensions of the photos etc. when a theme is changed, etc.  Blogger... no such mess here.  In fact, I can change the theme every day and nothing gets broken.  So why is it that Word Press breaks all your hard work with a simple theme change?  Rhetorical question.

The catch:  When you post a blog entry on Word Press with most themes and DON'T use a photo all it displays is a blank white or gray square.

Enough of the Word Press BS for now.

That whole photography thang....

@Ella Wigginton 2017, all rights reserved.

I received a text from a friend asking which images are mine since I posted the butterfly pics with my watermark/signature on them.  So for those who don't know... any photos of my own, meaning my own photography or art, will have my watermark/signature and/or a copyright notice in the message.  Usually both, or perhaps just the watermark.  Anything else is web/free domain images.

I honestly don't want to take up time or space here talking about this and figure just a mention would do.

Note:  Photo above was taken from inside my house and shot through a window with messed up, opaque glass.  Not bad considering the conditions. ;p  The butterfly, btw, is a female swallowtail.  The males are yellow.

Okay.  That is all.  (smiling)

A House On The Bluff. It's not just a place.

@Ella Wigginton 2017, all rights reserved

I've been here now for over 2 years.  I've grown attached to the feel, look, sounds, and other inhabitants of the bluff and consider them part of my life.  And it's not as silly as some may think.  Even while sick, weak, panful and incapacitated I can hear nature's children, her voice, her sighs outside the window during the day, the night, everywhere.  The bluff isn't just a place.. it's alive.

Birds, butterflies, fox, deer, bobcats and coyote, and more... the bluff is their home too.  Songbirds, Vultures, hawk, kestrel, crow, and others whom I've not seen but have heard their voices... such as bard owls.  Too many times I've had to point the camera out the window from inside, but occasionally I feel just okay enough to open the door.  These days, the most patient visitors are the butterflies.  The large yellow (male) and black/blue (female) swallowtails, smaller butterflies of which I've yet to identify visit.  They love the flowers here and don't mind the disheveled appearance of the yard due to T's unshakeable indifference.  I would love to regain my health and vitality, my strength and stamina so I can take care of the yard the way it was meant to be taken care of.  There will likely come a day when I hire someone to help on my own.  T will just have to get over himself.

Despite the vibrant life that exists on the bluff it's not quite enough to protect my spirit, my soul, my sanity from the daily onslaught of chronic indifference that radiates through this household via T.  There's no way to truly explain why this is so important to me, how it makes or breaks my success or failure when reaching for my goals.  This indifference ruins my health.  Life is all around me here, so why do I feel as if I exist now just below the surface of the living?

@Ella Wigginton 2017, all rights reserved

It's still in me, that spark.  I can feel it there, wanting to be set free, to shine.  Every day that I wake up I try again to reach for good health, happiness, joy, vibrance, that little undefinable something that makes us want to live, to create, to feel.  Simply breathing isn't enough and never will be.

My body is my enemy.  I suppose I shouldn't say that.  And I try not to talk that way about myself, not to SEE what I FEEL (does that make sense?  Do you get that?).  But I do... see what I feel.  When I'm weak, exhausted, painful, sick, I still want to pick up my camera and go outside, even if it is just in my own back yard.  Then I look in the mirror because I feel so bad, and I see the face of that pain looking back at me.  That sick part of me... I don't hate her.... I just want her to be happy.

Me.  I'm talking about me.  Though the disconnect is there sometimes, the hazy, blurred line between what I once was and what I am now.  Very seldom do I feel like my old, healthy self.  Hell, these days it's more like NEVER.  But I'm guessing some of you know what I mean when I say that.  Right?  I'm not sure I've met anyone who didn't feel disconnected or lost at some point in their lives.  Trust me, that knowledge isn't a comfort in the least.  Nothing is a comfort these days.

And life goes on around me...

What can I do?  For the millionth time I will mention again that there exists no support network in my life.  I've been sick too long, home too long, out of touch with the people as a whole for too long.  Trust me, this isn't cabin fever talking but more a practical part of me wanting very much to see the problem so I can, at least, stare it down until it folds under its own weight.

Life goes on around me...

It's okay.  I have my camera and can still stand up, even if for a short time.  My secret to sanity is indulging in what art I still have access too.

Thank God for nature's little children when they use the bluff as their playground.

Summer Shaddow, and A Converging of Blogs. Finally.

So here I am with the first of a few changes.  For far too long now, some 6 years or so, I've relinquished some of the bigger parts of myself, of my spirit, of who I am as a person.  Bullied into thinking who I am needed changing I began an awkward and toxic journey to become what another in my life at the time thought I should be.  As I stripped away the vital components of myself to please him, my purpose in life, my place in my own life became blurred and unrecognizable.  Slowly those vital parts of me began to fade, and then to die.  I had no idea at the time what was happening or what was done to me, but I was shown, and then I became more awake and aware than I ever have been before.  It wasn't pretty, and it certainly wasn't comfortable.  But it was absolutely necessary.

Not everything was salvageable.  Some once-vital sparks simply winked out during that toxic relationship, and I've been mourning in the tiny shadows they left behind.  But you know, shadows don't exist without light, and I've been determined to bring that light forward since that awakening some 3 or 3 1/2 years ago.  Yes, that is a long time to still be dealing with such a thing, but the damage done was fairly significant.

Even as I write this every muscle in my body is beginning to ache, my arms and wrists are weak and becoming heavy.  There isn't any way, certainly no easy way, to face this head-on every single day of my life, but I've no choice.  I either fight until I win, or allow the rest of me to wink out completely.  Where is there an actual choice in that?

I've looked close and hard at my blog entries, wondering what I can learn from what I've said.  What I didn't look closely at is how fragmented I purposely made things here.  What I mean by that is splitting my blogs up, breaking them apart... or rather, breaking my thoughts and experiences apart as if they weren't connected.  They ARE connected, each and every one.  I suppose my subconscious was trying not to bring the entire picture together.  The "Why?" of that will have to be addressed eventually, and hopefully soon.  Until then....

Bringing the pieces together.

It won't be easy for some of you who like to read only certain aspects of my thoughts and experiences, but if you were paying attention you'd know that I was speaking pretty much the same story across the blogs, often cross-posting.  Even then I didn't realize how much I needed to put my life and thoughts back together where everything begins to make sense.  But I know now.

THIS blog will be THE blog, and I will simply put a link on the others pointing right here, where I plan to put the pieces back together and speak from my heart and mind and soul... without scattering the message into oblivion where even I have trouble putting it all together where it makes sense.

So today is day one.  Today I will concentrate my blogs here, fix the links in the side menu, and hopefully minimize the confusion for you, and the hassle for me at the same time.  It's time.

It's just time.

Change, and Long Overdue.

It was time.  As much as I love the pic of the birds dancing in the rain it was just time to change things up a bit here, to refreshen and start over again.  Seriously.  It was time.

I have to be honest here, both with you, and also with myself.  The time for consolidating my blogs is also LONG overdue.  For years now I've split everything up depending on topic or theme or subject (sort of), and it's not made things easier.  In fact, everything concerning my blogs at the moment, the multiple blogs for multiple topics is just driving me up a wall.  Why do you think I've been talking about it for so long?  Exactly!  Time to consolidate.  But WHERE, and what the hell do I do with my Word Press account?

It makes me tired, SO tired... just thinking about it.

Word Press may have to be reduced to something else, or completely abandoned, and I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that it was a good try that didn't work out.  So be it.  I mean, I have like 6 blogs!  What the hell was I thinking?  Yeah, okay.  I can laugh about it, but this needs resolved.  Dammit, but I've no idea where to start.

This decision is going to take a minute.....

NOTE: Deleted videos.

Having found that I need to clear out my blogs here, the video entries I made have been deleted.  NOT the blog posts but the videos.  My YouTube channel was just getting clogged with content, and I want to keep it focused on nature, eagles, creativity, etc.  It's what I need.

This 'house cleaning' of my blogs doesn't mean there won't be future posts.  There will definitely be future posts.  Now, about the location of such posts...  I paid for a year of Word Press and pointed my www.summershaddow.com domain to that blog.  I like it, but I became pretty accustomed to the look and feel of Blogger to the point where it feels a little more like home than at WP.  There is still time to consider the options, weigh the odds, and decide if I can keep up with so many blogs.  What was I thinking when I decided to split up topics and make a blog for each?  smh

Speaking of which, I should get back on-topic...

Video blog entries are there, but they lack the video.  Sorry for the mess and inconvenience this may cause anyone who's new and trying to catch up here, but I will discuss those topics again in the future, and I really did need to clean up my YouTube channel.

I guess that's all I need to say about the video blogs, and I will eventually (today, I hope) get to posting about all that's going on and has.

Till then....

PART III: SO much to talk about, but first...

RECAP:  I've been busy with a few projects, one is doing recap videos of the D.C. Eagle Cam eaglets, Honor and Glory.  Honor hasn't been seen since July 13, 2017, and while some think she simply has migrated, many of us think that's a little too soon.  But... the eagles do things on their time, so we really don't know.  I've included sound bites of her vocals, as well as Glory's vocals on his video (will post shortly).  They're two very different eagles with their own unique and distinct personalities.  Honor had to be rescued rather early on, which meant they did a DNA test and discovered she's a female.  This was no real surprise to me since she had overtly female traits (about 30% larger than her sibling, close to her mom's size, very large feet, larger, thicker beak, etc.).

I also made a video for both of them, which I will also post.

D.C. Eagle Cam, 2017:  Honor and Glory.  How do you tell the apart?  Honor is larger, has a larger beak, lighter colored feathers, bigger feet, and distinctly different vocals from Glory... who's vocals are higher pitched.  Going to miss these two.

PART III: SO much to talk about, but first...

RECAP:  I've been busy with a few projects, one is doing recap videos of the D.C. Eagle Cam eaglets, Honor and Glory.  Honor hasn't been seen since July 13, 2017, and while some think she simply has migrated, many of us think that's a little too soon.  But... the eagles do things on their time, so we really don't know.  I've included sound bites of her vocals, as well as Glory's vocals on his video (will post shortly).  They're two very different eagles with their own unique and distinct personalities.  Honor had to be rescued rather early on, which meant they did a DNA test and discovered she's a female.  This was no real surprise to me since she had overtly female traits (about 30% larger than her sibling, close to her mom's size, very large feet, larger, thicker beak, etc.).

I also made a video for both of them, which I will also post.

Glory....

PART II: SO much to talk about, but first....

RECAP:  I've been busy with a few projects, one is doing recap videos of the D.C. Eagle Cam eaglets, Honor and Glory.  Honor hasn't been seen since July 13, 2017, and while some think she simply has migrated, many of us think that's a little too soon.  But... the eagles do things on their time, so we really don't know.  I've included sound bites of her vocals, as well as Glory's vocals on his video (will post shortly).  They're two very different eagles with their own unique and distinct personalities.  Honor had to be rescued rather early on, which meant they did a DNA test and discovered she's a female.  This was no real surprise to me since she had overtly female traits (about 30% larger than her sibling, close to her mom's size, very large feet, larger, thicker beak, etc.).

I also made a video for both of them, which I will also post.

Glory....

SO much to talk about, but first....

I've been busy with a few projects, one is doing recap videos of the D.C. Eagle Cam eaglets, Honor and Glory.  Honor hasn't been seen since July 13, 2017, and while some think she simply has migrated, many of us think that's a little too soon.  But... the eagles do things on their time, so we really don't know.  I've included sound bites of her vocals, as well as Glory's vocals on his video (will post shortly).  They're two very different eagles with their own unique and distinct personalities.  Honor had to be rescued rather early on, which meant they did a DNA test and discovered she's a female.  This was no real surprise to me since she had overtly female traits (about 30% larger than her sibling, close to her mom's size, very large feet, larger, thicker beak, etc.).



Honor.... (I have to admit she's my favorite, though I adore Glory as well)....

Why it's hard to leave Blogger.

Photo above is "Honor," one of this year's eaglets (now a fledgling/juvenile) from the D.C. eagle cam nest.  Screen capture by me, Copyright 2017 American Eagle Foundation www.eagles.org AEF-DC

Weeks ago I a decision to actually pay for a WordPress account, and while I don't think for even a moment that I made a bad decision, there are times when I miss using Blogger.  Nostalgia?  I've no idea the actual 'why' of this, but I believe that I'll be posting here from time to time despite the other account.

Will I continue with the Wordpress account once my year is up?  This remains to be seen and depends on how the year goes.  If I don't really feel comfortable still posting there, then I'll resume posting here.  HowEVER.... I may end up condensing my blogs down to one to save time.

Update on life:  There isn't honestly much to tell.  Life just continues on as it tends to do, and despite any changes the wheel continues to turn.  No improvement on the relationship situation AT ALL, which is a major disappointment and stressor in my life, but I believe I've let go enough to ease the anxiety and stress that arises from being in this relationship.  I have to do what's best for my health and sanity, and if it means disconnecting a bit and keeping T at arm's length, then so be it.

I'm going to separate this 'announcement' (for lack of a better word) from those that are about my life and situation, etc.

Hope I didn't bore you guys too much. ;p

Off to compose one of those 'relevant' posts...