Damn these dreams...

It seems to just be a constant nightly thing now.  Dreams come, unbidden, that point out how much my life isn't actually my life, and it does this in a very poignant and, in some respects, ruthless ways.  Do I question this?  Of course!  Everyone knows, or should know, that dreams are your subconscious trying to work issues out that the conscious doesn't want to deal with.  Having said that, it's gotten to the point where my dreams leave no room for interpretation.  In fact, they're as blunt and outspoken as an unpaid whore.

Seriously.

Last night/this morning, dreams that leave me haunted and anxious after waking.  Places I want to go and can't (right now).  People I don't even know...who I miss, somehow.  Unnatural forces in times or places with unfamiliar faces.  They're all friends it seems, from a life I don't recognize myself in.  Damn this night.  Just fucking wake me up already.  Right?

Those faces, those people.  Dreaming about people you've never met isn't exactly unique.  And my dreams have included people I DO know and don't have contact with any longer.  It's all just a messed up, complicated message that I don't have the capacity to interpret right now.

...All I have to go on is how it leaves me feeling when I wake.  A bit confused and bewildered...and feeling as if I'd missed the only train capable of taking me where I need to go.

I'm sure it's meant to be motivating.  But motivating me to do what is the million dollar question.

Damn these dreams.  I guess I just need to work on getting my subconscious to reveal what it's REALLY trying to tell me.  Enough of the guesswork already.  M'kay?

So...it's going to be later today (I hope) when I get to the entries for the Alter Ego blogs... links are in the section to the right.  For now, I'm saying adios.  Time to login to life for a few....

OH. MY. GOURD!!! It cost HOW much???!!

Day 17 and it's the end.  Yes, the end.  But not completely the end.  But don't break out the tissues and start playing Taps just yet!  Let me explain what made me decide to change up the fabric of what I'm doing...

No worries about juicing itself, because everything was fine.  It's a great experience that I am continuing, but not 100% as a juice fast!  And there's a damn good reason for this choice.

Cost.  Plain and simple.

At the beginning of this journey the cost was estimated to be somewhere around $120/week, roughly.  In that estimate certain factors were considered such as what was in season, not in season, local purchases (which would make things less expensive), and buying organic (which means more expensive).  All T's were crossed and all I's were dotted.  But what we didn't consider were shortages, and for any such shortages to include one of the main staples of juicing---kale.

Well damn!

While doing a bit of research yesterday I discovered a few threads on folks who had given up their juice fasts due to cost.  And I found as many discussions on those who chose to suck it up and continue despite the cost.  While this whole cost thing concerned me I wasn't all THAT worried.  But then, T insisted on doing the shopping since he wanted to use his credit card that gave this awesome cash back incentive for shopping at grocery stores.  Okay.  I'm down with that.  And what this translates to is this....

I had NO idea what juicing was costing us until last night!

OH.  MY.  GOURD!

So, how bad could it be, you ask?  $180.00 to $200.00 per week!  YES!!  I know!!!  OMG!

I asked, "WHY didn't you tell me it was costing this much??!!!"  And T's reply was... "I didn't want you to worry, and I knew it was helping you."  *sigh*  Super sweet, yes?  Of course it is.  Still, we have a lot going on and really, a Reboot doesn't HAVE to last 30 days to receive great benefit from all the micronutrients you take in!

I said... "It's time to Transition out."  And so last night I had lentil & veggie soup (vegan, gluten free, organic), and began my transition back into solid foods, and I feel great about my decision.  :)

I had 17 awesome days where my body was flooded with pure, fresh vegetable and fruit juice, free from packaged food, fried food, sugar, gluten, and any other form of garbage that most of us humans put into our systems on a regular basis.

I sleep better than I have since I don't know when, my hair is growing faster, my nails as well, and my skin looks great!  And... I don't crave junk food or sweets!  And trust me, I used to LOOOOOVE sweets.  Not that I wouldn't eat desserts, mind you.  They're just not a temptation anymore.  Also, the allergies that have plagued me over the past two years are GONE!!!  I couldn't breathe before this cleanse, and now I can breathe normally!

And it took only 17 days.  Actually, it took less than that, but I continued my cleanse for 17 days.

What's next?  My next goal is to go vegetarian/vegan.  I didn't grow up this way, and I didn't have this environment ever in my life.  So it's not going to be a "cold turkey" situation (no pun intended).  At least I don't think so.  I still have weight to lose as the prednisone monster and subsequent effects will take some time to correct, but it's okay.  I've come this far and have lost 17 lbs during my Reboot.  :)  I'm good.

So this is really where the fun actually starts!  Phase two is where the works begins, and "the work" IS the fun part, because the journey is going to be fun...  because nothing's really changes, has it?  I mean, all we really want is to look good naked, so... having said that... let's get to work!

Day 14 - Wake Up, Kick Ass, Repeat

Day 14 -  I tried standing like that and I think I pulled something and scared my family.  And my dog.  But the good news is that I've lost 14 lbs so far and I'm one day away from my first 30 day goal!  30 days of juicing, and I'm half way there!  Yay!

Funny ad, but I have to say there's a little truth in it.  These days people are shallow, and unless your significant other truly loves you, he/she will hit the dusty cow pie trail and you'll be left in a fatigue-laden, dust-clouded aloneness.  But then, maybe that's for the best.  Either way, this goofy ad speaks about a "vegetable compound," so there IS a little truth in this advertising, after all.  They just didn't tell the whole truth.  Of course, they were just trying to sell something.

Juicing is still the best way to get an abundance of the good stuff into your body.  Plain and simply put.  And... you'll be peppy too, for yourself, your family, your LIFE!

Life.  My life.  That's really what it's all about anyway.  I have to wake up every day and face myself, who I am, where I am, no matter what, and tell myself that I am okay!  :)  Now, if you're like me you may know you're a bit on the 'not-so-normal side,' and that's even better!  ha!  So go with it. I do, and I plan to keep doing so.

I embrace my not-so-normalness!;p

So today I got out of bed and I told myself that I'm going to take it easier than I did the last few days.  I over extended myself a bit and now I'm paying the price.  But that's not a bad thing, because it just means that my energy is up and that my body is in a state of "WTF??!" lol

Now it's just about taking it a step back and easing into things a little bit at a time and deciding not to conquer the world in one day.  Dang it.  I was so hoping to do that in a day, too!

Another thing I need to remember is to stop being so impersonal about things when I'm making my entries here.  As I was typing I realized I was going down the road of disassociating myself, personally, from my entries (for the most part) and had to go back and change some wording, phrasing, etc.  Old habits, I guess, not wanting to expose myself too much.

Bad habits are meant to be broken, and I'm going to make that one my bitch.

So, what bad habit are you going to make your bitch today?

Noodles!

Cold

I'm freezing today.  Simply freezing.  I don't think it has anything to do with the juicing I'm doing, because I tend to exist on the cold side anyway.  But I am extremely cold today and want to simply stand under a hot shower.. all... day... long.

I think it's safe to say that it's just one of those days and I'm really just thinking about taking that hot shower and crawling under a blanket and staring at the tv.  It really is that kind of a day.

Truly, on second thought.. maybe this is part of the detox process... am feeling a bit weird. Not bad, mind you.  Just weird.  Guess it's time to just go with it and pamper myself with warmth and aromatherapy.....

Come on Spring/Summer.  Freezing, here.  :/