Drowning in coffee doesn't help

Two doctors appointments today, woken at 5am for no reason, sleep at the top of my priority list, yet sleep is out of reach for today.  When the night comes, it's my respite in time, though not in sleeping or dreaming.

Belonging to myself is the best thing I can do for myself.  I'm focusing on what I must in order to heal and survive amid the grasp of this ill-timed machine some call life.  God, but I am as tired as it gets today.

If only I couldn't gotten just a little more sleep this morning.  I'm tired of that phrase rolling about my head on far too many days.  I'm not even going to go into the plethora of ways T has found to make sure I wake, and wake, and wake beginning in the wee hours of every morning.  Why?  I've no answer to that, but I have spoken to him at great length about suggestions so I'm not repeatedly awakened by those things that really don't have to be as noisy as he makes them.

OMG, but I seriously need a good night's sleep.  On occasion I'm blessed with blessed, beautiful, and much-needed sleep.  But most of the time there simply isn't enough quiet and still to last throughout the night for me to get adequate rest.

I long for languid days, just a few of them.  If I can have days that promote stillness, peace, inner-sanctum, then I will rest easy on those nights.  It's not a difficult concept.  Is it?  I mean, is that really so lost on people that no one gets that when they disturb someone's sleep repeatedly it WILL take a tremendous toll on them eventually, that it's a matter of IF and not WHEN?  Really?

I will feel better when I'm finally able to lay my head down and feel the peace wash over me...

How tempting a vacation is from my life; how necessary; how perfect; how utterly insane it is NOT to pay attention to that one important and vital necessity to survival.

I'm running out of steam even as I write this.  And today is not the day to run out of steam.  Today I have to search and research and compare high-end exercise bikes for the home.  It's that time.  And dammit, how am I to exercise when I can't even sleep????

Shhhhh...

That inner voice needs to shut the hell up and think peaceful thoughts.

Sleep.
Exercise.
Healthy eating.
Healthy spiritual self.

God, please help me get some sleep today...