Playing it safe

It's safe to say I'm playing it safe.  While every fiber of my being screams "SAY IT!"... I simply don't.    Timing is everything, even when it comes to speaking my mind online in a relatively 'safe' place like a blog.  Not exactly sure where to go with this, because I want very much just to let it all out, vent, whatever one wants to call it...

I will.  Eventually.

At some point I know I will have to.  No one has gotten healthier by holding their feelings in, blotting them out, pretending they're not there, or otherwise...hiding from them.  "Oh, by all means, run," says the the voice inside that cares little about what this does to a person's peace of mind.  And I don't make running a habit these days.  On the contrary.  Face it, say it out loud, deal with it now.. or deal with it later when it's done damage and can barely be controlled.  But that damn voice....

I'm not running.  But I'm not dealing with it either.  Looking for something, but... unsure what it is, exactly.  And I sometimes make it a habit to speak in generalities here, when what's in my mind is far from, well, 'general.'  In fact, I'm quite specific with what I want to say.  A lot of good that does me.

Today is no different.  Talking endlessly and not saying a damn thing.  Some of you who know me well can guess, and maybe you'll be close to the truth.  Maybe some of you will be spot-on.

WTH is it so hard for me to speak my mind here?  WHY is it so difficult to be blunt?

What is it that I'm afraid of?