So the big [e]vent happened and I'm left spent, exhausted, and wondering if I really accomplished anything at all. I'm also wondering how many people think I should be doing the big 'vent' to the person who needs to hear it. Well, I assure you, I have been quite clear on how I feel, discussing the problems I have with the way things are, and stating clearly that my needs as a person simply aren't being met in any way, shape or form. And oh honey, those words fell on completely deaf ears. People are often emotionally lazy, and T... is one of those people. He won't put any effort into anything, so... flipping the switch to autopilot and sitting on one's own emotional ass will get you nowhere with me. I will simply find a way to live my life... without you.
This is the beginning of that very thing.
Hey, I know some guys don't do this, and even the ones who do don't all do it to the same degree. But emotional laziness never got anyone anywhere. I mean, seriously... if you expect one person to do all the work, you're going to be in serious trouble in the end.
50/50. But in my case it's more like 20/80. And I'm freaking exhausted. Okay, T.. take the damn wheel or you'll be flying alone! And chronic remorse isn't going to fix this.
Okay, so I'm finding my way along and, although I struggle at times, I'm still plugging forward. I will find a way. I will find my life. And I WILL find me again. It's just a matter of time. Once the anemia is resolved, and once I get an "All clear" from my cardiologist on the whole Grade 2 Diastolic Dysfunction thing... I'm going to put everything I have into getting healthy again. Iron supplementation may make it difficult, and restoring iron stores takes a really long time. But I can do this. I MUST do this. I WILL DO THIS.
Watch and see.
No comments:
Post a Comment