Insomnia isn't one of the highlights of anyone's day/night, but it is my reality for now. I won't go into all the factors involved, but handling the liver issue and finally getting the new mattress delivered will be a great start to things. In the meantime, I deal as best I can. And what this means is laying in bed, awake, until anywhere between 2am and 5am. I never know how the fabric of my night will feel until I'm actually there---wool or velvet, clouds or chainmail. Either way, sleep eventually comes, and with it... the dreams.
Recurring dreams are also a part of my reality--and it's been this way since childhood. Similar themes, but rarely ever the exact same dream, all leaving me to wake up feeling positively haunted. Not as in actual ghosts (that's another talk show), but ghosts of my past. No, this isn't unique or unusual, because most of us, if not all of us, have dreams of this nature. I'm definitely not saying mine or more or less extraordinary than anyone else, but they are extraordinary to me.
One person in particular ends up being the star of the show, and in a way that is truly unsettling, especially when I end up waking up bewildered, confused, and feeling... *sigh*.. never mind. I won't dwell on something I cannot understand for the life of me. Yeah. So I tell myself.
The situations, the symmetry and context of these dreams are always curious in that they're not unhappy in the least. Perhaps a little melancholy, but...still so incredibly intriguing. Exciting places, beautiful houses, as was such in the most recent one (last night/this morning). The part that sticks with me the most is sitting with this person on the porch of a white house... flowers in the tall bushes surrounding the area.. shade, soft breezes, a chair swing (also white)... having drinks outside while talking. And the conversation eludes me, though I do recall it was extremely important.
Well, I'm sure my subconscious was paying attention...
So where does this leave me today? Contemplating. As usual.
Just...contemplating.
As 'enlightening' as these experiences FEEL like they are, it's too damn unsettling to do any real good, even IF I knew what the message is supposed to be. So...dear, subconscious...if you're not going to allow me the opportunity to understand the message... dreams---OMG, just stop it already!
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