Again

I looked about at the pitiful few posts I've allowed to remain here. But then.. that's what I've always done with blogs---the posts are there a short time, then gone. Most anyway.

Again. Back here again... and why? It's rarely ever about anything good, now is it? I must sound like the most negative individual who ever existed, because all I 'sound about' here is the bad things. But then.... this particular blog IS called "My Lost and Found," and for good reason. I reserve the better stuff for "The Wishing Place." Makes sense, doesn't it?

At any rate.. "Again" means something else entirely here. And trust me.. I'm trying VERY hard NOT to be vague, but I have a real time with expressing things bluntly. I will, however, give it my best shot...

So what the title should REALLY say is "Dumped Again." Honestly.. that would be a more accurate title.

A few people know of this on again/off again relationship I'm in/out of. But just recently have I given anyone the url to this VERY private place. So be warned.. there is NO telling what you'll see or hear here, because it's my sounding board, the panic room (now that's a good title for a blog!), and sometimes even my soft place to fall.

There are times when you may think I'm simply doing the 'whoa is me' thing, but trust me... I'm really working things out here.

Now.. back to the blog, the entry, the confessional (OOH! Another good title for a blog!)....

The on again/off again relationship is now in the 'off' position. And just today I had hope... for about 2 hours. It's hard to explain, and maybe it really doesn't need explanation. But my gosh... how is it that one person can feel and give SO much and it simply not be recognized by the person they're giving it to? Let's put this another way...

Love, profound. that's what I would call it should a title or label be required. I fell pretty hard, and wow.. I really thought things would go very differently.

But you know.. in the midst of feeling SO much love and adoration for someone...I never felt so unwanted and unliked. And I promise you I'm not being cruel or unkind or mean-spirited by saying this. I've even told him.. "You may love me, but I don't think you like me."

It's true. At least from where I'm sitting, on the receiving end, it's true. And it's heartbreaking.

*sigh* It's 2:47am and I'm exhausted beyond anything I've known (another talk show). So this topic is going to take several entries, I'm afraid.... so bear with me.. more tomorrow....

...Tomorrow... July 4th. :( I was supposed to spend the holiday with the man I'm in love with. Best I let that one go for now.

In the meantime... until I post more on this later today... I'm including the lyrics to a song that just simply seems to fit. It's been here on the blog for some time, and you can hear it now.. or should hear it now on the player...

Tragic Figure
by Assemblage 23

Once you had it all
And threw it all away
Day became your night
Night became your day

Did it ever rain
When the skies were clear?
Does it help explain
How you turned up here?

Peel away the layers
Wash away the past
Progress that you made
Never seemed to last

Did it ever rain
When the skies were clear?
Does it help explain
How you turned up here?

You are just a ghost
You are just a shell
You are just a shadow
But its just as well

Did it ever rain
When the skies were clear?
Does it help explain
How your turned up here?