All souls have a personality, all spirits a light.

As my surgery date approaches, against my body's warnings, I've chosen to take my camera out and explore.  Most often those small journey's are really just hit or miss, but I always leave knowing the experience was a complete success.  Capturing what I see with my camera is always a goal, but the actual experience itself is far more valuable, and sometimes I have to accept that it just wasn't the day to get that one perfect photo.  And other times, I am completely surprised by what passes through the lens.

My body wasn't pleased with me for having taken the route I did last Sunday, but somehow the experience was fulfilling, and at times it left me laughing... out loud.  But it was that last stop of the day, after venturing over an hour away to local state parks and a couple of dams, that offered up the rewards for the efforts made.  To be honest, it blew me away.

The day wasn't without it's problems, some of them major and stemming from T.  But that didn't take away from the joy of what I saw, heard and experienced.  I was determined to protect that joy, those memories, no matter what.  And I succeeded.  There is at least that.

Now, after several days (almost a week) on a liquid diet, waning energy, and often dipping moods, I find myself trying to keep up with myself, to not let the diet-induced depression (I was warned about it so am not surprised) take what little I have to hold onto right now.  Hope isn't a bad thing, though some closet malcontents out there would have you think otherwise.

Hope... is a pathway that leads to peace... and more.

Tomorrow I transition to a CLEAR diet.  Now that.. is going to be tough.  But I can do it.  I have to do it as I prepare for surgery and shrink my liver to lessen the risks of injury during surgery.

Little feather, big feather.

Photography has given my soul the nourishment it needed to keep going.  The beautiful animals I see and photograph have such lovely spirits, and equally beautiful souls.  I learned that if I sit still, very still... and listen, they will tell me who they are.  While the rest of the world is rushing about, emotionally mainlining their social media addictions, and never seeming to actually shut up for any real length of time... they miss the good stuff, the best stuff, the once in a lifetime stuff.  Even as I captured the images of a flock of geese as they rested on the grass I could see and hear the people still there were oblivious to the beauty that surrounded them.

Sunset washed the entire world there.  The water was a deep rose and blue, shimmering light reflected everywhere.  The sky darkened the Autumn hues now cloaking the trees, the quiet, the stillness, the breeze... it was all playing out perfectly as I wondered... is anyone seeing this?

In that perfect time of day, my favorite time of day and what artists and photographers call The Golden Hour everything becomes magical.  But for everyone there at the park, besides myself, it was just another day that looked and felt like.... nothing special.  But it was.  It was special.  And there will never be another sunset, another dusk, another anything... just like that.  Those moments and all it brought was one of a kind.  And they missed it.

I watched as the light faded and changed colors.  I watched, and I pressed the button.. hoping to capture as much as I could.  I didn't want to forget.

As the colors deepened and people began to leave, I found myself wishing I'd been there alone, without their noise, their indifference.  I wish a group of indifferent people hadn't allowed their kids to rush at the geese who were peacefully resting... causing them to flush in panic into the water.  I wish they hadn't shown up but went somewhere perhaps where there were other indifferent people like them to hang out with, to commiserate with.  It wasn't a perfect end to a perfect day, and I was angry at the people who weren't teaching their kids to respect nature, especially animals.  No wonder there are so many sociopaths in the world today.  This generation is lost.

But I have my memories and an unwavering determination to believe that indifferent people don't care about nature, animals, wildlife of any kind and would rather not put themselves in the middle of their domain.  I pray that's the case anyway.

Those memories are still mine.  While the indifferent rushed about, talked too much, listened too little... I was right there, front and center.. capturing as much as I could.

All souls have a personality, all spirits have a light.

I believe animals have a spirit, a soul.  I believe that if anyone with a heart, who possesses REAL compassion.. were to be still, be quiet in the presence of animals they would understand how unique their individual personalities are.

All souls have a personality, all spirits have a light.

All you have to do is open your mind and heart... and listen, look.

My life will change dramatically in a few days.  It's expected that the initial change will be hard, very hard, even painful, but the long term much, much better.  I can do it.  I can do it because I have goals, very clear goals of what I want, no... need to do, to experience in my life.  While T remains indifferent, I remain awake, feeling, and at times actually thriving.  My camera and I have a lot to do, much to see, memories to make, life... to frame.