Can someone PLEASE show me the way 'home'?

Rhetorical question, obviously....

Home. It's elusive. It's a blurry photo in mud puddle. It's something I've seen on tv and read about in books. I hear people refer to it all the time but have no idea what it actually is.

I thought I knew once [what it is]. I believe I once was very close to it. I almost felt as if I touched it once. Looking back now... I was merely reaching for air.

If there is such a place as home.. I'm merely the resident ghost.

Home. I've looked for it for 48 years. I've yearned to 'feel' what it's like to be there for as long. People try to placate me with 'old sayings' such as.. 'home is where the heart is.' My heart has been evicted, demolished, flattened by emotional tornadoes and hurricanes and has never been 'home' anywhere as of yet.

There is no welcome. There is no warm light in the window. There is no feel of comfort and acceptance and patience. There is no shoulder to catch tears, no tender touch to wipe them away.

The tears are judged and scolded. My pain a thing to resent, an annoyance. My need an inconvenience.

I dream of fairytale love and romance, an emotional place to call 'home.' Even now I cannot accept that this thing does not exist, though I've seen evidence that it's all a great myth that misleads and tricks. Love is quite the trickster, changing it's persona, it's face, it's fickle intent.

.....Lost.