Secrets From A House On A Bluff, April 2018. One of two mockingbird fledglings the dad brought to where we put mealworms out for them. He's a good dad.
There isn't a day I don't dig and think and contemplate and troubleshoot how to fix this miserable mess I've once again gotten myself into. The only way to truly avoid this crap is to not get in it to begin with (duh!). One day I'll figure out how to not buy into the bullshit most guys try to feed me when things are new, and when I'm most vulnerable and want to believe that most people, even guys, are good. My understanding at this point is that it's better said than done, because this world is full of frauds and bullshitters who've faked their way through life so much they actually believe their own crap.
Expecting perfection from others isn't the problem. The problem, at least in my case, is that I forgive people's flaws, even the ones that are, in essence, unforgivable. My bad completely. I've dealt with a long line of liars and cheats, frauds and narcissists (which are the very worst), and they often all come in pretty packaging. No, I'm not referring to looks but the facade they try to pass off as their personality, who they actually are. As always, the day or reckoning always, ALWAYS comes, and here I sit, once again, bewildered as to how I could've managed to fall for it again.
No worries. I know where I am in this.
Oh now, it isn't THAT bad. Oh, yes it is. In fact, to the backdrop of recent health diagnosis it's beyond bad. Experiences such as this makes me lose faith in humanity, what little I had for it anyway. Mostly I find people lacking and disappointing to a painful degree.
Yeah, I'm here talking and leaving all the details out. The details aren't easy to talk about, and they're painful on a deeply human level.
"I see humans, but no humanity." Not sure who originated that statement, but no truer words were ever spoken.
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