Tripped.

Pursuing a better state of health shouldn't ever be met with push-back from those who claim to care about you.  Making decisions, often hard ones, to better one's health also shouldn't be met with push-back or arguing, or otherwise discouraging talk or behavior.  In my case, there's no tolerance for people who do this.  But it wasn't always this way.  It took a minute, but I did learn.

"Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."

I haven't forgotten.  Yet, even in the current relationship I'm most often in self-preservation mode, and not by choice.  As an adult I should be allowed to choose what I need to do in order to be healthy, or as healthy as I possibly can be.  So why is it do damned hard for some guys to understand that choices made for my health are not always about THEM?  I'm not sure I'll ever understand this very irritating trait.  But thank God not all guys are like that.

So what do I do when every pursuit, every additional step in the right direction is like someone just stuck out their foot and tripped me on my way to my goal?

Why can't T just freaking let me BE, let me BREATHE, THRIVE?  While this is not the first time someone's done this to me, I am quite intolerant of the selfish BS at this point.  My last relationship also had me scrambling to fight for my health, to breathe, to thrive, and I ended up paying an enormous price for that too.  So much stress, constant, chronic, unrealistic demands made of me, and so much worse, that I ended up in the hospital with a TIA near the end of that relationship.  But that scare became a significant turning point in my life, and I will let NO MAN ever do that to me again.  So then, how do I handle the same selfish BS that T displays?

The "Problem" isn't really a "Problem" at all.  In fact, today... it was ludicrous how the whole argument came about.  The 'problem' (for T) was a recipe for the diet I'm on, a low-carb diet.  Searching the database of recipes was easy, and it was a bit of fun too.  But the recipes I chose brought forth a stream of push-back from T that left me wanting to give up completely.  Now THAT was a familiar feeling.  I cannot go 'there' again.  I cannot let some dude dictate or derail my choices as an adult.  This diet is NOT about HIM.  It's about my life, the long or short of it.  Simple enough.

Why the hell must I fight for my life every single day against someone who could give two shits?  I don't.  And I know this.

But honestly, how stupid is it to argue about a recipe?  Oh, his 'problem' with the recipe is that it calls for a whole chicken.  WTF?  Who cares?  If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to eat it.  This is a guy who is happy with a can of raviolis, and I mean that literally.  Whatever.  I can't eat that way.  But this really isn't so much about the recipe or how I eat, now is it?  Nope.  It's about his need to control.  These things always boil down to that.  Always.

Same with the last relationship.  Control, control, control.  The ONLY person who should be controlling me is ME.  Don't tell me what to do, how to talk, what to think, how to dress.... just don't. I don't care who you are or who you think you are---DON'T.