Dealing with health issues, the indifference and lack of compassion from T, seeing a glimmer of what 'could' be once I'm well again... is a lot to process every day. Maybe not so much for someone healthier, but it certainly is for me. I suppose I can just say it's keeping me on my toes.
For the most part today I feel betrayed and stuck in a life that I'm not at all fitting into. I miss MY life but accept that sacrifices are made with a relationship, be it marriage or something else. The betrayal I refer to is that, once again, I've a situation where I'm with someone who pretended one thing and is actually another. I don't like that at all. He's not evil or abusive, so don't get me wrong. But what he hid and the lies he told DO have an impact on life, especially mine.
For heaven's sake, why can't people just be HONEST about who they are?!
My morning was riddled with anxiety and stress, so I'm paying the price for that today with fatigue, discomfort, elevated pain level.... and just a dull feeling of sadness that is going to take some work to overcome. It's not depression really, but more like heavy disappointment laced with anger.
My view of life is somewhat distorted as I spend the majority of my time alone. I'm once again disconnected from the greater part of living--meaning the outside world. Too sick to get out of the house, and in a place I've not been in but for a short time means... I don't know anyone. It's a familiar situation, I'm afraid, and it's not my choice but more my circumstances. But this disconnection does hinder the healing process, which isn't going well at all but actually getting worse.
Another day of dealing with what I already deal with, and also new challenges.
Well... till tomorrow......
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