This Journey

It's incredibly hard to type these days--to do anything really.  I'm completely off the prednisone as of yesterday, so now I wait to see what comes when my adrenals have to go it alone without the assistance of that drug.  We'll see.

I sleep so much these days.  I toss and turn at night because of the pain in my body, sleeping sporadically and not deeply.  Tylenol has become my best friend again, though I know I have to adhere strictly to not going over the dosage etc.  But it's a necessary evil.  Early morning, when I'm able to take another dose, I wait for the pain to subside enough to allow me to fall back asleep and, hopefully, catch up on what sleep I did miss.  Still, in the morning when I rise... the weakness, the aching is there--always there.

Getting out of bed, getting dressed, finding my way to the kitchen, dining room... is not the easiest tasks these days and is worse as the prednisone comes out of my system.  My legs, arms, hands, they all shake until I have enough food or coffee in my system.  This is, I believe, another symptom of tapering from prednisone, as it greatly affects blood sugar; high when on it, drops when off.  It's just one more monster I have to defeat.

The prednisone weight is another issue but one that is, honestly, not nearly as important and FEELING better.  I'll be able to take the weight off when my adrenals aren't fatigued anymore, and I'm good with that. I have to be good with that.  But this horrible weakness and fatigue--it's so hard to handle, so hard to live with.  Hell, I'm really not living at all but simply--surviving.

I sleep so much.

I'm sleepy now.  I wanted to go right back to bed but got up too late to make that even remotely possible.  Plus, if I give in to sleeping all day long... I won't have an easy time coming out of that.  Prednisone cessation, after having been on high doses and on a long time, can also bring on depression.  Maybe this is what that is, all this sleeping.  Can't take anything for it even so because of the Eliquis.  Will have to just ride this out and pray it ends soon--very soon.

I want to live again.  Be happy again.  Thrive again.  I want my passion for life back so badly.

I'm so sleepy, so tired.