The number isn't important, because it's not the same for everyone. But for me, the number is 4. It's always 4. This relationship, and 'almost' every other I've had I've felt like someone's mother, to a someone who isn't actually a child but behaves like one. I've raised my kids! But.. have I?
Let's talk about what WORKS in a relationship first.
At the core of every successful relationship is a balance of power. I'm not speaking about responsibilities as a whole; if both work, if one works, and which one works, or who does the yard or cooking. Those things are simply tasks that have to be done, nothing more. Doesn't really matter who does it. The 'balance of power' I'm talking about can be broken down to two more very simple categories---male and female. And yet, there's really more to that when you think about it. It's dominant vs submissive, and.. I'm not talking sex, though that usually translates right into that. However, sex is another discussion for another time. For now, what I want to talk about/address, is the 'alpha' and 'beta' roles in people, and how those don't always fall in line with the majority.So that 'core' or 'foundation' in a relationship is balanced and harmonic when you have one of each; one alpha, and one beta. Now, before you get your undies in a bunch, I'm not talking about which is more important, because...BOTH are not only important, but necessary for any relationship to actually work.
In the context of social hierarchy the alpha male is usually the confident, charming guy who wields his success, not as a weapon, but as a champion's sword. There are 'pseudo-alphas,' but I'll address that later. In the same context, the 'omega' (not within the scope of this discussion) is the socially awkward, creepy guy who doesn't make or keep friends easily. And last, but not least, the beta. The beta male is the most notable here and is the main topic. HOWEVER, I'll also be addressing the female role in this as well (Alpha, Beta).
It's a given that there are good people and bad people, and it doesn't have anything to do with whether they're alpha or beta. The latter can affect the delivery and responses in their reactions to any given circumstance, but a good person can be either, and a bad person can be either. So there's no 'good/bad' judgment when speaking overall.
The Alpha Male:
This guy is confident inside and out. He doesn't really feel the need to belittle others to make himself look or feel better.. because it's just unnecessary. An Alpha is no wuss and will defend himself readily. The good guy alpha (which I'll refer to as the GGA) is the one who loves to take charge, not to dominate and suppress, but to care for and protect. Almost all women (except Alpha women) are attracted to this type of man. It's not rocket science but simply nature at work.
The Beta male:
Unlike the Alpha, this guy is is a little harder to describe and a lot more tricky to deal with, especially when you're a woman. Beta males can be very charming, very sweet, personable, and extremely successful. "Alpha" or "Beta" doesn't guarantee success or failure in life. But we're not going to take things down to that level as it's not the purpose of this discussion. Let's move on...
The beta males are the sit-back guys. You know, the ones who are often well-liked by all, very calm, passive, etc. Even the extremely successful ones who're at the top of their careers, make a lot of money or even are wealthy, well.. they often still find themselves 'not exactly' at the top. But it's okay because they're happy there. Isn't that what everyone wants? To be happy?
Beta's can be a girl's best friend. You know, the straight guy who's like a GF. Nothing wrong with that either. However, that passive, sometimes shy and socially awkward beta can turn on you, and when you least expect it.
You see, betas are often lost to the idea of dating and relationships. Some of them may 'think' they know and understand, but when they're IN a relationship that relationship can go south in a bad way. Passive turns to passive-aggressive, and in many many cases.. overt aggressive. Kind of like the submissive dog in the pack that finally lashes out... at whatever is near it. No offense to dogs, btw.
There's a big difference between taking charge and bullying. Contrary to what you might think, Alpha males aren't usually abusers, bullies, etc. Not that they CAN'T be, because at the very core of being 'human' is that we're all literally subject to just about every trait there is. Having said that, you'll most likely find that the 'nice guy' routine in a beta fails epically when tough or testy situations arise.
NOTE: I use terms like "most" or "many" because some betas really, truly are very sweet and good guys. Just know I'm not labelling all betas as 'bad guys.' And, I'll get to the balance of power in PART II.
Betas are often very needy, meaning... they often have a lot of demands that, when not met, result in massive pouting episodes or out-right tantrums. Either way, they'll make you pay when they're not happy. AGAIN, not ALL Betas do this, but it is almost always the case, meaning.. the majority.
Betas are often known from going from "Mr. Nice Guy" to "Complete and utter jerk" a moment later.
Most Beta's don't do very well with women, except for those women who are, in effect, Alphas. This is where that whole 'balance of power' thing comes in.
When things go awry in a relationship is when both parties are "Alpha" or "Beta."
I'll take this one up in a moment in PART II....
